Predator Press Interviews: Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger
Predator Press
[LOBO]
LOBO: Who are you again?
Captain Sullenberger: I’m the guy that safely landed the plane in the Hudson River, saving 155 passengers.
LOBO: ‘Safely landed?’
Captain Sullenberger: Yes. It was in all the papers.
LOBO: But isn’t ‘landed in a river’ pilotspeak for crash?
Captain Sullenberger: Well-
LOBO: Well I don’t know why you are so famous. I’ll bet there are billions of hilarious pilots that haven’t crashed anything.
Captain Sullenberger: Hilarious?
LOBO: Well, anytime someone brings twelve inches of documents to an interview, I assume it'll be boring. I was being sarcastic.
Captain Sullenberger: Both engines failed due to bird strikes.
LOBO: You had two engines and still crashed? I crashed a van into a lake once. That only had one engine. If I woulda had two, I’ll bet I coulda pulled her out.
Captain Sullenberger: I suppose.
LOBO: And what kind of name is ‘Sullenberger.’ Is that French?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: Are you on any reality shows like Survivor?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: Dancing With the Stars maybe?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: I’m having a really, really hard time making you seem interesting.
Captain Sullenberger: I’m an international speaker on airline safety.
LOBO: Well given the circumstances that’s just ironic, don’t you think?
Captain Sullenberger: I thought you said you were with Time Magazine.
LOBO: I probably did at some point. Hey what’s with the weird mustache? It makes you look suspicious.
Captain Sullenberger: I like it.
LOBO: You should lose it. Plus maybe try a combover. They got stuff you can brush in that would make you look, like, fifty years younger.
Captain Sullenberger: I fail to see-
LOBO: Like you failed to see the Hudson River?
Captain Sullenberger: You’re putting words in my mouth.
LOBO: Words like when you failed the US Airways eye exam, it was covered up? And you thought the Hudson River was a McDonalds drive thru?
Captain Sullenberger: You can’t fit an A320 in a McDonalds drive thru.
LOBO: Not with those peepers baby.
Captain Sullenberger: Stop waving your hand in front of my face. I can see perfectly.
LOBO: Then explain the mustache. It looks like you’re smuggling albino caterpillars.
Captain Sullenberger: It does not.
LOBO: Can you explain your rather lackluster career prior to the Hudson River event?
Captain Sullenberger: Excuse me?
LOBO: It says in your bio you’ve been flying since the seventies. Shouldn’t you be, like, an admiral or something by now?
Captain Sullenberger: I’m a commercial pilot.
LOBO: Do captains outrank skippers? For instance if you were on the SS Minnow, could you have bossed around Alan Hale?
Captain Sullenberger: Who?
LOBO: Ah. Admirals would probably have to study a lot of history.
Captain Sullenberger: I’ve got two masters degrees, and been a member of Mensa since I was twelve.
LOBO: [singsong] Now sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip …
Captain Sullenberger: That’s Gilligan’s Island.
LOBO: Gilligan was the biggest boob on that island. Why did they name it after him?
Captain Sullenberger: I don’t know.
LOBO: Can you make a radio out of coconuts?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: A generator out of a stationary bicycle?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: A car out of palm fronds?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: Sweet Jesus help me out here! If I publish an interview this boring on Predator Press, the readers will have me flayed!
Captain Sullenberger: I’m sorry. I’m trying.
LOBO: Ever bomb the crap out of Charlie?
Captain Sullenberger: I was eight years old during the Vietnam War.
LOBO: Japs?
Captain Sullenberger: That was even earlier. I would have been negative twelve or so.
LOBO: C’mon buddy. This is a Predator Press interview. Can’t you just make something up?
Captain Sullenberger: Like what? I went back in time?
LOBO: Did you kill Hitler?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: Well, the whole ‘back in time’ thing would be pretty flaccid then.
Captain Sullenberger: Can I go now?
LOBO: This is your office.
Captain Sullenberger: I don’t care.
LOBO: Are you going to McDonalds? I love McDonalds!
[LOBO]
LOBO: Who are you again?Captain Sullenberger: I’m the guy that safely landed the plane in the Hudson River, saving 155 passengers.
LOBO: ‘Safely landed?’
Captain Sullenberger: Yes. It was in all the papers.
LOBO: But isn’t ‘landed in a river’ pilotspeak for crash?
Captain Sullenberger: Well-
LOBO: Well I don’t know why you are so famous. I’ll bet there are billions of hilarious pilots that haven’t crashed anything.
Captain Sullenberger: Hilarious?
LOBO: Well, anytime someone brings twelve inches of documents to an interview, I assume it'll be boring. I was being sarcastic.
Captain Sullenberger: Both engines failed due to bird strikes.
LOBO: You had two engines and still crashed? I crashed a van into a lake once. That only had one engine. If I woulda had two, I’ll bet I coulda pulled her out.
Captain Sullenberger: I suppose.
LOBO: And what kind of name is ‘Sullenberger.’ Is that French?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: Are you on any reality shows like Survivor?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: Dancing With the Stars maybe?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: I’m having a really, really hard time making you seem interesting.
Captain Sullenberger: I’m an international speaker on airline safety.
LOBO: Well given the circumstances that’s just ironic, don’t you think?Captain Sullenberger: I thought you said you were with Time Magazine.
LOBO: I probably did at some point. Hey what’s with the weird mustache? It makes you look suspicious.
Captain Sullenberger: I like it.
LOBO: You should lose it. Plus maybe try a combover. They got stuff you can brush in that would make you look, like, fifty years younger.
Captain Sullenberger: I fail to see-
LOBO: Like you failed to see the Hudson River?
Captain Sullenberger: You’re putting words in my mouth.
LOBO: Words like when you failed the US Airways eye exam, it was covered up? And you thought the Hudson River was a McDonalds drive thru?
Captain Sullenberger: You can’t fit an A320 in a McDonalds drive thru.
LOBO: Not with those peepers baby.
Captain Sullenberger: Stop waving your hand in front of my face. I can see perfectly.
LOBO: Then explain the mustache. It looks like you’re smuggling albino caterpillars.
Captain Sullenberger: It does not.
LOBO: Can you explain your rather lackluster career prior to the Hudson River event?
Captain Sullenberger: Excuse me?
LOBO: It says in your bio you’ve been flying since the seventies. Shouldn’t you be, like, an admiral or something by now?
Captain Sullenberger: I’m a commercial pilot.
LOBO: Do captains outrank skippers? For instance if you were on the SS Minnow, could you have bossed around Alan Hale?
Captain Sullenberger: Who?
LOBO: Ah. Admirals would probably have to study a lot of history.
Captain Sullenberger: I’ve got two masters degrees, and been a member of Mensa since I was twelve.
LOBO: [singsong] Now sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip …Captain Sullenberger: That’s Gilligan’s Island.
LOBO: Gilligan was the biggest boob on that island. Why did they name it after him?
Captain Sullenberger: I don’t know.
LOBO: Can you make a radio out of coconuts?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: A generator out of a stationary bicycle?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: A car out of palm fronds?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: Sweet Jesus help me out here! If I publish an interview this boring on Predator Press, the readers will have me flayed!
Captain Sullenberger: I’m sorry. I’m trying.
LOBO: Ever bomb the crap out of Charlie?
Captain Sullenberger: I was eight years old during the Vietnam War.
LOBO: Japs?
Captain Sullenberger: That was even earlier. I would have been negative twelve or so.
LOBO: C’mon buddy. This is a Predator Press interview. Can’t you just make something up?
Captain Sullenberger: Like what? I went back in time?
LOBO: Did you kill Hitler?
Captain Sullenberger: No.
LOBO: Well, the whole ‘back in time’ thing would be pretty flaccid then.Captain Sullenberger: Can I go now?
LOBO: This is your office.
Captain Sullenberger: I don’t care.
LOBO: Are you going to McDonalds? I love McDonalds!
Comments
:)
Mom: No question. I just wrote this thinking "Everybody loves this guy ... I want to be the first and only to have said 'Meh'!"
Stephanie (x2): It's absolutely true, as far as pilots go, that Sully is my guy. But can he split his fingers and do the Vulcan "Live long and prosper" sign? Can he wiggle his ears without using his hands? I mean this "hero" thing will only take you so far in life ... we need to see how he stacks up.
Tiggy: It's not that you can't simlpy drive thru ... hey let's face it, you can order a #4 without ketchup and transmit your credit card info from the cockpit. But they almost always forget the fries, and then, already over Memphis, you're f**ked ...
Nice "lake" Lobo......
Dan
-See I told you people this was a true story!