[LOBO]So you want to bomb Hawaii?
Oh that’s soooooo original.
-Maybe we should step back and give North Korea some breathing room so they can invent something equally diabolical like, I dunno, trees or something.
Yes I’m talking to you Kim Jong-il. I hate to trash talk an avid Predator Press reader and fan, but Kim this is for your own good: a plot to bomb Hawaii is about as novel as seeing Pamela Anderson's boobs.
What the hell are you thinking? What kind of hackneyed world domination plan is bombing Hawaii again? Are you trying to shape global policy based on I Love Lucy reruns? Here’s a better plan: crank up the pie machine really fast so Obama runs around frantically for ten minutes in an effort to keep up, culminating in hilarity as Obama is forced to stuff his face with them to keep more of them from ending up on the floor.
Kim, the fact of the matter is none of us even like the Hawaiians: they make clothes out of grass and stuff, and leeringly threaten to set it on fire with spinning torches if we don’t pay $16 for a watered-down Mai Tai. And have you heard that music? You could drink those overpriced Mai Tais all freakin’ day long, shoot heroin, blow weed, whatever, but nothing will get UB40’s ‘Red Red Wine’ out of your skull aside from a bullet. Ah -did I mention Dog the Bounty Hunter? Cripes, you might as well bomb the set of Jon and Kate Plus 8.
The Hawaiians could probably kick your ass too ... I've played Risk like a jillion times and North Korea isn't even on the board. Oh yeah Kim, I said it: the Hawaiians, sufficiently motivated, would crush you. I dare you to bomb them you weirdo. In fact I heard the Hawaiians called you a little piano-legged sissypants that couldn’t drop bombs in your own adult diapers.And what kind of name is “Kim” anyway?
Is that French?
7 comments:
Sounds like you are poking Kim, the Krazy Korean, with a stick.
If he bombs Hawaii, it will be your fault.
Thanks.
"...that couldn’t drop bombs in your own adult diapers."
NICE.
DOM: I lived in Hawaii for seven years. My mom still lives there. And my mom is worth, like, 72 million dollars.
I'll miss her.
otherworldlyone: For diplomatic reasons I left out the line "You would have to roofie a monkfish for sex."
Sure 'Finding Nemo' came out like 10 years ago ... I still thought that joke was "too soon."
Couldn't we sacrifice a different state, like...Alabama?
I would begin the negotiations, but I'm also thinking of putting all this real estate on eBay anyway.
-it's a "Conflict of Interests" or something.
[RATZ]
I'd go one farther. I think Hawaii should get all the Pacific nations that are going to sink because of global warming together, and then take over North Korea. (Not that Hawaii needs any help.)
It's a win-win-win scenario.
Mark: You're scaring me. Now I'm wondering if we should ally with North Korea before Hawaii gets too out of hand here ...
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