Predator Press Declares War on Environmentalism

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Bee at Bee's Musings has the noble distinction of being the first blogger to notice my new fundraising effort, "Feed LOBO".

See, if you look in my sidebar you will find a handful of fine bloggers that have gone through a lot of trouble writing brilliant and/or funny books so they can earn an income.

But books have an insidious tendency to wind up in libraries, being studied, and, well, read. Remember school? It just makes me sick. I don't know exactly why those guys are being so mean to the Future Children of America by writing more of these 'books', but I'll have no part of it.

Hence my fundraiser: I, LOBO, solemnly swear that if I reach my modest goal of $999,999,999 by May 16, 2009 I will never write a book.

Probably wouldn't read one either.

And who has time to read and write books when -even as we speak- hemp-addled smelly hippies are treacherously allying themselves with 'environmental causes'?

Don't they realize this 'Environment' is tryin to kill us every day with deadly bacteria, disease, hurricanes, tidal waves, killer sharks, tornados, earthquakes, MicroSoft, catastrophic meteor strikes and X-rays from space?

I think most scientists would agree, "Mother Nature" would like nothing more than to dance barefoot in our slippery entrails ... and as Nietzsche probably said, "That which does not kill me is either lazy, or just waiting for the chance."






Tell those hippies to roll over, 'cuz this
thermometer is goin in the plooptionary.

I Knew Humor Blogs Would Crack the Whole Time

Predator Press

[LOBO]

I moderate comments for the sole reason to be sure I've read them all.

So I was at lunch today -checking email and releasing them- and I came across one by Karl Wolfbrooks Ager, author of Faking Smart! In Corporate America.

I was initially puzzled, but within moments I was gripped with a growing, mortified sense of horror:


There was a typo on the Predator Press.

Now I'm explicitly forbidden to fiddle with Predator Press at my day job.

And as a natural consequence, I'm likely prohibited to murder Karl Wolfbrooks Ager as well.

There was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

So I faked a massive heart attack.


***

Now don't go on judging me already: within 25 minutes I had commandeered an ambulance, and -sirens blaring- screeched up into my driveway 16 miles away.

I was editing HTML before the picket fences and tricycles had even fallen off the radiator grill.

But just as I finished correcting the hideous blemish on America's favorite blog and dispatching the lethal ninjas on "Karl" -if in fact that's his real name- I got an email from Diesel himself.

Hah! I thought. I knew Humor-Blogs would totally collapse under the mighty weight of our boycott!

It was time to forcibly negotiate a better, more leveraged position on the website that wholly depends on me alone for traffic.

But when I arrived at the massive Minneapolis Humor-Blogs headquarters, Diesel was nowhere to be found. Instead, negotiations are being held by my old pal Ed Harris.

And I, for one, am glad there was an ambulance close by.


Whenever I'm in an ambulance, I blame Bee's Musings.