Shenanigans

Predator Press

[LOBO]

It can't be true.

It just can't.

... It's been almost two weeks since I've tried to infuriate It's a Funny Thing's brilliant author Don Lewis!

Long ago, I concluded that the internet is utterly useless aside from infuriating Don Lewis.

I've sought high and low for some decent SEOs so my search engines are optimized.

And how I yearn for the remotest hope of penis enlargement.

Please don't get me started on the futility of finding porn.

Will no one reveal to me the secrets of Internet Marketing or Making Money Online?

Doesn't anyone accept VISA Platinum anymore?

[*sigh*]

All there is is Don.

Don Lewis.

Even as I type this, the sole recipient of the Predator Press Temporary Lifetime Achievement Award is probably all tucked in, sleeping soundly, and thinking of genuinely funny and unique crap ... crap that will doubtlessly distract countless blog readers from the wholesome Wisdom, Purity, Hope and Truth which Predator Press strives only to promote.

Well, I won't stand for it.

Not for a second.

Not even for a nanosecond.

In a fit of jealousy, I'm stripping Don of his monopoly on the coveted and highly sought-after honor that I will one day actually create: the Predator Press Lifetime Achievement Award.

Today, the subtle and unobtrusive Predator Press Temporary Lifetime Achievement Award -currently recognized as the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval- is being bestowed upon the following blogs as well:



.45 Caliber Headspace

Angry Seafood

Average Dudes

Bee's Musings

Blogs We Luv

DEAD ROOSTER

ettarose-edgeofsanity

From the Roads

LadyTerri

Lord Likely

My Interesting Files

neOnbubble

OMYWORD!

Speedcat Hollydale

The Cult of Qelqoth

The Offended Blogger

The Ominous Comma

The Skwib

When Things Get Dark



-:¦:-•:*'""* -:¦:- NICE -:¦:- WORK -:¦:- *'""*:•.-:¦:-


The bearer of this -The Predator Press Temporary Lifetime Achievement Award- has demonstrated such a fantastic aptitude for comedy that Predator Press nearly created an award to commemorate their momentous achievement.  Predator Press is not affiliated with the Good Housekeeping Seal's fine services or products.  In fact, Predator Press is locked in a fierce legal battle with them ... however, this statement can only be characterized as accurate if you replace the words 'locked in a fierce legal battle with' with the words 'being sued by.'  Please do not lick, eat, snort, swallow, drop, smoke, or otherwise ingest award.  Not valid unless placed on title page of blog.  Or tattooed.



Hah!

Now "Don Lewis" -if in fact that is your real name- every time you surf the funniest sites on the internet, you will see your own award prominently displayed smack on every one of them!

Jerk.


Eat Humor Blogs. Poop kittens.


Comments

Bee said…
Thank you!
I had my lawyers look at the fine print and they have a problem with this part:
Not valid unless placed on title page of blog, over, near, or in place of your respective banner. Or tattooed."

Hmmmm... tricky son of gun aren't ya'!
Unknown said…
I wish I had read that. I had it tattooed on my ass! Thanks baby!
Yay! So I am officially Good for something then?

I think I may cry. :)
cathouse teri said…
*spank*
Anonymous said…
whoo hoo..I am going to post this next up..it's not often I get an award for good housekeeping...:))))

but I am not going for the tattoo..thing..but I do wish I was spanked by cathouse Teri..I didn't see that in the fine print...:)))
... what I live longer??? Can a fellow earn 2 lifetime achievments?? 3 ???

With all of your "Ecard" points, you WILL BE RICH! Sell them to Donny.
Anonymous said…
Thx! I will immediately apply it to all my Lennox equipment.
Sue said…
Came here from Speedy's page. I think I might stay a while!
danielle said…
Awesome! As someone who has gone through life alienating my peers and always picked last in gym, I actually received a jolt of satisfaction out of this. Oh, sweet validation.
Anonymous said…
Thank you for the award but...I deleted my "Awards" page. I just wanted to simplify things.

However, I will link back to this post in my next post and thank you for the thought.

Oh. And you spelt my username wrong again. ;)
LOBO said…
Qelqoth: At this point, I've butchered the spelling of your blog in so many different places and ways, I think you should just surrender and change the name to correspond.

... Or how about "The Cult of Joe"?

Hm?

:)
Anonymous said…
This may be the greatest temporary award I've ever received!

Thank you so much!
Anonymous said…
"how about "The Cult of Joe"

No way, lol. I'd never be able to point out your typos that way! ;)
Anonymous said…
Frankly, I should have gotten this award months ago. I'm kidding of course. Actually no I'm not.

I just want to wrap up this acceptance speech by saying I hope my upkeep of my apartment lives up to the award.
Brent Diggs said…
I am honored. Deeply and intravenously, honor is infusing itself into my tissues.

Thanks for the award too.
Anonymous said…
Thanks so much. I always want to receive an award out of spite!

m.
Anonymous said…
Having spent the entire morning, sand blasting the dried Chicken Vindaloo and mango grease off of the walls, floor and cabinets of my airline-sized Parisian kitchen, wishing at least I could be naked but then knowing how nasty sand can feel in the cracks, and I'm still not finished but at least the shelves are dust-free and the wine glasses sparkle (is this what some might call a run-on sentence?), I finally settled down to my cat-fur encrusted bed (better known as my international corporate office) to rest my weary mind by reading my feedreader about death and death and then some more death, and so I switched to my email inbox, hoping there would be fewer death-related emails and lo n' behold, there was an email saying that predatorpress had purchased an EntreCard ad from me.

This was better than death. Let me tell you. Everyone should try it.

Meanwhile, as the bird tossed seed across the room trying to get my attention, and the cat barfed up a hairball, I clicked on over to predatorlandia, and lo n' behold, to my surprise and amusement, there I was, listed as a recipient of a most prestigious award.

Temporary or not, for me to get any kind of good housekeeping award (whether the real McDeal or the fake about-to-be-sued kind) as I swim in unrelenting dirt, is the bestest thang I can imagine.

I bow to you and will dance at your next wedding, or funeral, whichever comes first, or last.

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