Dear John.com
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Having received the Cult of Qelqoth Anti-Award, everything is clear to me now.
Many of you have been reading other blogs. Hell, some of the worst of you offenders have been writing them! There are now more blogs out there than body parts on the field the year those lepers went to the Superbowl.
I am shocked and appalled at this discovery.
I thought we had something special.
Well consider this you blog floozies: Will those other blogs tuck you in at night after a bedtime story? Or hold your head in the sink while you are puking MargaRitas and Chex Party Mix? Will they provide numerous accounts in excruciating detail of the Stock Market Crash of 2014, and how it will subsequently lead to World War VI and VIII? Mark my words: Even as Al Gore's fourth head wails the battle cry, "Tonight we dine in temperatures suitable to sustain life!" I will personally be far from the battlefield safely documenting it from his office, occasionally shuffling random papers on his desk and doing obscene things to his paperweight Cheney skull.
And you know what? You're not as clever as you think you are either. One night when you said you were just browsing eBay and Wikipedia, I knew something was up so I hired a private detective to hide in your closet. Don't believe me? He hasn't transmitted anything since October, so I figure he is probably the skeleton with a webcam immediately behind the gray overcoat. Go ahead and look. I’ll wait. See? There you are. Try not to be in so much of a hurry next time you shave ... you get better results.
SO after all we've been through, this is the thanks I get? Why don’t you just rip my heart out, roll it around in salted glass and thumbtacks and then flush it down a non-hygenic sulfuric acid toilet?
Don't say anything. Just go.
And no, I am not crying.
I've just got something in my eye.
[LOBO]
Having received the Cult of Qelqoth Anti-Award, everything is clear to me now.Many of you have been reading other blogs. Hell, some of the worst of you offenders have been writing them! There are now more blogs out there than body parts on the field the year those lepers went to the Superbowl.
I am shocked and appalled at this discovery.
I thought we had something special.
Well consider this you blog floozies: Will those other blogs tuck you in at night after a bedtime story? Or hold your head in the sink while you are puking MargaRitas and Chex Party Mix? Will they provide numerous accounts in excruciating detail of the Stock Market Crash of 2014, and how it will subsequently lead to World War VI and VIII? Mark my words: Even as Al Gore's fourth head wails the battle cry, "Tonight we dine in temperatures suitable to sustain life!" I will personally be far from the battlefield safely documenting it from his office, occasionally shuffling random papers on his desk and doing obscene things to his paperweight Cheney skull.
And you know what? You're not as clever as you think you are either. One night when you said you were just browsing eBay and Wikipedia, I knew something was up so I hired a private detective to hide in your closet. Don't believe me? He hasn't transmitted anything since October, so I figure he is probably the skeleton with a webcam immediately behind the gray overcoat. Go ahead and look. I’ll wait. See? There you are. Try not to be in so much of a hurry next time you shave ... you get better results.
SO after all we've been through, this is the thanks I get? Why don’t you just rip my heart out, roll it around in salted glass and thumbtacks and then flush it down a non-hygenic sulfuric acid toilet?
Don't say anything. Just go.
And no, I am not crying.
I've just got something in my eye.
Comments
skeleton is a purveragator of the truth...(Lies like a cheap watch)..I think I botched the spelling on that ..why oh why doesn't the comment section have spell check...?
Moi?! Well, yes, OK, I admit it. I am THE worst offender and I blog like a mad woman.
Hey, would it help if I told you that just for mentioning me indirectly that you are now a recipient of my prestigious and much coveted "Offended Blogger" award?
It's not much, but it has a pretty girl on it. Feel free to come swipe one from my sidebar. :)
i laff'd, i cried, i pissed-meself.... yah, such'a ride, a great time indeed! And then, i think yer a most bodacious winner of much ... wtf is a Queloth?? and ffFFk'no, i ain't going to wiki'me'peee'dia it.... aghhhhh hhaaaaa.
Rawwwwk'it Harrrd always!
yooz gotz pure brilliance ~julian
... He's a big spender!
:)
(Actually, I've been reading Julius for a while. I think he just connected the dots on that ...)
~JD