Bittersweet Symphony

Predator Press

[LOBO]

"So you fell down an elevator shaft," says Nurse Garrison.

"No," I correct. "I jumped down an elevator shaft. Lord Likely wanted to cut the elevator cable so the horses pulling it would be free and the townspeople could go summon help."

Glancing up from her clipboard, she sighs. "Your wife called. She's on her way."

"Thank you for notifying her," I says.

"She's very worried," Nurse Garrison shrugs. Inspecting a tiny scrap of paper through her glasses she adds, "Evidently your 'Driving Into a Lake or Volcano' insurance expired on the 4th."

"Dammit!" I complain. "There goes our Hawaiian vacation. She's going to kill me."

"I thought she was kidding," says the Nurse. Peering over her glasses, she appears strangely incredulous. "You still have a Driver's License?"

"I got better'n that," I says. Flipping open my wallet, I show her my polished badge.

Pushing her glasses back up her nose, Nurse Garrison reads it aloud:

LOBO
Head of Secret Zombie
and Boogeyman Prevention
for Liberty and Justice.

"This has the Presidential Seal," she comments.

"So it should. The SZBPFLJ -as the blissfully unaware public so likes to pronounce it- was commissioned in February of 2002 by President George Bush himself."

"This badge implies you are a Federal Agent. It's got to be a Federal Offense to present it."

"And I never understood that," I agree. "That would never stop zombies or the Boogeyman from trying to impersonate me. George can be very frustrating."

"It says 'Made in Taiwan'."

"Cut me some slack," I reply. "I'm lying as fast as I can."