The History of Predator Press

Predator Press

[LOBO]

People always ask me, "LOBO, Predator Press is one of the most widely-read, respected and influential publications in the world. How did it all start?"

Well, it wasn't easy. Millions and millions of readers a day hanging on our every word and entire nations living or dying by what we publish didn't happen overnight. Indeed, cutting through the dissonance of a world gone utterly mad in search of The Truth has been a tough cross to bear.

And yes, the money helps. But when it all comes down, it isn't the luxury cars and women with loose morals that make us carry on: we do it for you, the Loyal Reader.

The events that inevitably culminated into this towering intellectual juggernaut pepper history like things that you might put a lot of pepper on. Like a good porterhouse. We are the pepper stuck to the Great Steak of Life.

A cursory search through a lot of history books revealed this to be true. Gleams of primitive permutations of Predator Press weaving their way deeply into the soul of human destiny permeate the earliest recorded events of humankind: King Arthur vainly sought his entire life for it. The Danes conquered Wessex in an attempt to possess it. Galileo threw two guys simultaneously off of the top of a building to discover it. Al Gore invented the internet, just so he could witness it wirelessly right at Dairy Queen. You know that whole "Burning Bush" thing in the Bible? Well that wasn't really us. But we covered it. The Freemasons used Predator Press as their secret handshake for centuries ... right up until we revealed that fact to our throbbing, seething hoards of ardent fans. Then the Freemasons hadda change it, and then those jerks all swore an oath of 'Eternal and Insatiable Vengence' against us.

I'm not 100%, but I think the secret handshake is currently 'Hi, how are you?'

... those Freemason assholes are everywhere.