Eyes Without No Mace

Predator Press

[LOBO]

When I saw that cop standing there in the doorway, I knew precisely what to do. Suddenly dropping to my knees, I sobbed loudly, "Taze me, bro! Tase me please!"

"Son," says the officer calmly. "Why in the world would I want to do that?"

Clutching his shiny boots, I wail "I saw what you guys did to that guy that asked you not to on television!"

"Well, you do have an awful lot of dead mailmen in your front yard," he observes.

"They were like that when they got here."

"You mean they were already on fire, and all of them just sort of collapsed coincidentally at your house?"

"Yes. May I be beaten severely now sir? And have my rights violated repeatedly as I'm hauled of to an excruciatingly long interrogation where I'll crack and confess to a whole bunch of ridiculous crap I couldn't possibly have done and be thrown down into some dark hole where I'm forgotten 'til I die?"

"If you weren't white I would've done that a half hour ago," he says. Perplexed, he scratches his chin. Whispering audibly, he adds "I wonder why all these incendiary mailmen are drawn to this place?"

"It's totally plausible. I belong to a lot of record clubs."

Shrugging, he tips his hat. "Sorry to bother you citizen. Everything appears to be in order here. Have a nice day, and stay out of trouble. I am going to stop at the corner store. Do you need a burrito or something?"

"No thanks," I says waving.

As he heads for his car, he pauses at one of the piles of bones and pokes it with his night stick. Lifting a skull by the eye socket, he inspects it shrewdly. "They do make rather cool Halloween decorations, don't they?"

"Want one?"