LOBO Goes to Jail
Predator Press
[LOBO]
"And that's what happened," I says. "I don't really understand what the big deal is."
The old man just stared at me.
I was feeling chatty. "Then, check this out. I figured if I was going to go through with the whole 'telling the cop to go fuck himself' thing, I was basically clearing my schedule for the afternoon. So I speed-dial Phil's vet to cancel his appointment, right? The chick on the phone is concerned that Phil will be left in the car when it gets towed. She says 'Sir, please make sure you call someone to come get your dog'."
The creepy guy just kept staring.
"My dog?" I says. "I mean my vet thinks Phil is a dog. What a dumbass. No wonder they think he's a girl!"
"Sir," asks the Judge. "Will you please sit so we can begin the proceedings?"
"We haven't started?"
***
"And that's what happened," I says. "I don't really understand what the big deal is."
"LOBO," says Babs over the phone. "Please don't tell me you used your one phone call to call me."
"Actually, I used that to order a pizza. I'm fucking starved."
"What do you want?" she twists the Rec Room payphone wire into a loop roughly the size of my neck.
"I want to break us out," I says.
"But we're in different prisons," she says.
"Doesn't matter. What we need is some way to make a bomb. I learned how to do it from watching an episode of MacGyver ."
"I'm listening."
"All I need is a paper clip and a tampon."
"How are you going to get a tampon in prison?"
"Well, that's where you come in," I says. "But first, can you spare one?"
"Let me get this straight," she says. "You need me to break out of my prison, and break into yours to bring you a tampon."
"You'll have to be fast," I says. "You'll have to back in your prison by the time it's discovered that I'm missing."
"You do realize that prison officials monitor these phone calls."
"I hope so," I says. "I bet they got paper clips."
[LOBO]
"And that's what happened," I says. "I don't really understand what the big deal is."
The old man just stared at me.
I was feeling chatty. "Then, check this out. I figured if I was going to go through with the whole 'telling the cop to go fuck himself' thing, I was basically clearing my schedule for the afternoon. So I speed-dial Phil's vet to cancel his appointment, right? The chick on the phone is concerned that Phil will be left in the car when it gets towed. She says 'Sir, please make sure you call someone to come get your dog'."
The creepy guy just kept staring.
"My dog?" I says. "I mean my vet thinks Phil is a dog. What a dumbass. No wonder they think he's a girl!"
"Sir," asks the Judge. "Will you please sit so we can begin the proceedings?"
"We haven't started?"
"And that's what happened," I says. "I don't really understand what the big deal is."
"LOBO," says Babs over the phone. "Please don't tell me you used your one phone call to call me."
"Actually, I used that to order a pizza. I'm fucking starved."
"What do you want?" she twists the Rec Room payphone wire into a loop roughly the size of my neck.
"I want to break us out," I says.
"But we're in different prisons," she says.
"Doesn't matter. What we need is some way to make a bomb. I learned how to do it from watching an episode of MacGyver ."
"I'm listening."
"All I need is a paper clip and a tampon."
"How are you going to get a tampon in prison?"
"Well, that's where you come in," I says. "But first, can you spare one?"
"Let me get this straight," she says. "You need me to break out of my prison, and break into yours to bring you a tampon."
"You'll have to be fast," I says. "You'll have to back in your prison by the time it's discovered that I'm missing."
"You do realize that prison officials monitor these phone calls."
"I hope so," I says. "I bet they got paper clips."
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