Predator Press
[LOBO]
Dear Criminal Empire aka Swisher Inc.,
You people have wrecked my Summer.
I'm supposed to enjoy Summer. The air is warm, and supposed to be alive with the sounds of playing children and singing birds ... not the endless and vitriolic profanity I'm streaming at this so-called "lawn mower".
The cops have been here twice!
How dare you foist this "Big-Mow" piece of crap engineering out on the general public? I should totally sue you! Ever since my parents forked out their hard-earned $59 on this junk in 1979, I've had nothing but problems. And I've only used it like five, maybe six times! WTF?Up until now, I've been a very satisfied customer. When I accidentally hit that pickup truck that was buried in the backyard, it started right back up after I straightened the blades out with vice grips and a sledgehammer.
Now, nothing.
You should have at least warned people in the documentation that it will stop working entirely if you ever change the oil.
Sincerely,
LOBO
best maintained through intimidation.
5 comments:
This is totally unfunny since I just spent the whole day trying to get a 1975 Bolens Lawn tractor to start.
As of last Thursday, I am the proud owner of a brand new, totally bad ass, fully loaded, John Deer riding lawnmower.
Oh yeeeeaaaahhhh.
Hey, it's 2008 boys, time to get with the times! :)
You're not foolin me.
... there's no such number.
With what looks like a kitchen cabinet on the front, I'm sure you can find some use for it.
How about positioning it halfway between the mailbox and the front door and filling it with snacks and refreshments.
And shotguns and crossbows and blowtorches and rhubarb and anything else you might need in the front yard.
That's a GREAT idea!
... But what the heck is 'rhubarb'?
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