A Good, Dead Hittite

Predator Press

[LOBO]

While not rubbing elbows with rock bands and committing insurance fraud, it's a little known fact that I'm a vehement racist.

I'll bet you never would have guessed that, but there it is.

I hate Hittites.

I hate them with a purple, venomous passion.

See, the Hittite kingdom is conventionally divided into three periods: the Old Hittite Kingdom (ca. 1750-1500 BC), the Middle Hittite Kingdom (ca. 1500-1430 BC) and the New Hittite Kingdom (the Hittite Empire proper, ca. 1430-1180 BC).

And I freakin hate all three of them. I mean they are dead, right? How the fuck great can you be if you're dead? Hm? I can, say, go make a pot of coffee. Would you Hittites like a cup of coffee? No? Oh, you're dead you say?

Well, HA HA.

More coffee for me.

And no, I don't think organizing a protest is a good idea ... I'll go Dustbuster on your ass.

We all know intuitively that red is bad, right? Well, just look at this satellite photo: see how bad these people are? I mean that is concentrated fucking evil: I hope the Sumerians kick the crap out of them!

Indo-Hittites are pretty cool, but unfortunately everytime I see cuneiform I just wanna puke 'cuz it reminds me of those lousy scumbag garden-variety Hittites. I'm nauseated I gotta breathe the same air they did! Blech. I can still taste Hittite crawling in this lousy air.

They oughta make anti-Hittite Febreeze.

Author's Note: This blog does not represent the ideas nor beliefs of the author, nor does it endorse the ill-treatment of the descendants of the noble Hittite.

No Hittites were harmed during the writing of this post.


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Comments

Stealth said…
I hate the Amalikites!
9:47 PM
Speedcat Hollydale said…
I am confused!! ... and a Hittite just ran behind me really fast.

WTH??? This is one crazy blog, unlike my litterary English site. (he hee)
12:14 AM
robkroese said…
And don't get me started on the Amorites and the Jebusites. They're all parasites, if you ask me.

Funny post, Lobo.
12:22 PM
Olga, the Traveling Bra said…
Lobo, my old friend... I never paid attention in History class so I have no idea what you're talking about. As usual. But I like it anyway...as usual!
And I have tagged you for a FUN and EASY meme. Go see. :)
9:22 PM
Ello - Ellen Oh said…
God that was sooooo funny! I think I'm gonna be hitting your archives hard because this whole page made me pee my pants.
9:47 PM
Bee said…
I am completely offended since I am 1/4 of an ounce Hittite!
Completely!
And, yes I want coffee!
9:42 AM
The Lone Beader® said…
Hate is a strong word.
12:59 AM
Anonymous said…
Oh come on, Lobo. Don't be hatin'. Hittites have enough trouble getting served at Starbucks. Why can't we all just get along?!
6:45 PM
Anonymous said…
You have insulted our honor and must be destroyed like the dog you are.
8:36 PM
Chelle Blögger said…
Hey, you aren't the only Hittitist! Idaho is full of us!!

It was rumored that a forgotten remnant tribe of those bastard Hittites were hiding out up in northern Montana, so you know we were all over that, but it turned out they were possibly just garden variety Hutterites.

I bought some fresh eggs and gave them the evil eye, ya know, in case they were really Hittites incognito.

That's right, I got your back LOBO. ;)
8:54 PM
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