The Quiet Riot: A Caffeine-Free Insurgency
Predator Press
[LOBO]
I am, admittedly, very lazy.
I once won a "fewest heartbeats" contest against a carpet on Valiums. Yesterday, the manufacturing of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich required six breaks, two naps, and a helpful neighbor to open the jars.
I get up. I read the news. After sizing up how much more screwed the world is than it was yesterday, I blog it, and then it's back to bed. This is a typical day graced by the brief debacle of my slothful and infrequent consciousness.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
So imagine my horror when I read "U.N.: Americans Most Productive" on CNN.
--Way to "set the bar", dumbass!
Don't I have enough problems without competing with you "productive" people skipping lunches and breaks and working late? You aren't fooling anybody: while building superhighways and pyramids or whatever, you've completely sublimated your self-esteem issues into some hollow corporate identity.
That warm sense of industriousness you're so fond of is slowly eroding your soul. Do you think that on your deathbed, you will be regaling your grandchildren that your 'Greatest Regret' is that you didn't work enough? Well, I've got news for you: you are ten times more likely to be impaled by an industrial auger or decapitated by a rogue forklift when not watching television or sleeping. It's a fact.
You people need help.
Snap out of it, and cast off these shackles of oppression! We must educate, disorganize and immobilize the masses, that they might lay down for what they otherwise might have stood for!
Exhausted from all this typing, I'm going to take a nap. But I expect to see some serious effort toward massive degeneration, and a complete lack of social upheaval grinding this nation to a standstill by the time I wake up.
Please don't disappoint me.
I'm counting on you.
[LOBO]I am, admittedly, very lazy.
I once won a "fewest heartbeats" contest against a carpet on Valiums. Yesterday, the manufacturing of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich required six breaks, two naps, and a helpful neighbor to open the jars.
I get up. I read the news. After sizing up how much more screwed the world is than it was yesterday, I blog it, and then it's back to bed. This is a typical day graced by the brief debacle of my slothful and infrequent consciousness.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
So imagine my horror when I read "U.N.: Americans Most Productive" on CNN.
--Way to "set the bar", dumbass!
Don't I have enough problems without competing with you "productive" people skipping lunches and breaks and working late? You aren't fooling anybody: while building superhighways and pyramids or whatever, you've completely sublimated your self-esteem issues into some hollow corporate identity.
That warm sense of industriousness you're so fond of is slowly eroding your soul. Do you think that on your deathbed, you will be regaling your grandchildren that your 'Greatest Regret' is that you didn't work enough? Well, I've got news for you: you are ten times more likely to be impaled by an industrial auger or decapitated by a rogue forklift when not watching television or sleeping. It's a fact.
You people need help.
Snap out of it, and cast off these shackles of oppression! We must educate, disorganize and immobilize the masses, that they might lay down for what they otherwise might have stood for!
Exhausted from all this typing, I'm going to take a nap. But I expect to see some serious effort toward massive degeneration, and a complete lack of social upheaval grinding this nation to a standstill by the time I wake up.
Please don't disappoint me.
I'm counting on you.
Comments
Shame the people you're writting about wont read your post - they're too busy putting their power-point slides together.