It's Either This, Or I'll Burn Your Damn French Fries
Predator Press
[LOBO]
My mom once took about 300 pages of printed Predator Press posts to an agent.
Swear to God, true story.
The agent told her that I would have to pay a $300 consultation fee, and that there was no guarantee that they would even “pick me up”.
So it could be $300 for “pointers” from some guy who maybe never even reads the thing.
That story is funny on a lot of levels. The fact that my mother was hawking my stuff was very sweet and flattering. But it was also clear evidence that she –a strict Conservative Catholic-- had never read a single page.
***
Since roughly February, I've been trying to produce something every day ... like simulating I have a job doing it. Make it a discipline if you will. I think initially I was toying with maybe writing for sit-coms or something, and wanted to challenge myself to 'create' more frequently. This often required posting under 'less-than-desirable' circumstances (like days when I didn’t feel like it).
And I've gotta tell you once I abandoned even the slightest hint of quality, it was all smooth sailing. Perfect for television. Further, I’m proud to officially report to you ‘o Loyal Reader, that my rapid-fire posting over the last few months produced the same, exact, equally-bad writing. And a lot more of it!
Let’s face it. There are like 900 bazzillion talented blogs out there competing for attention, and I’m far too lazy for all that. Plus, I’m a hack: guys like Lord Likely will get the book deals; they’re the “Genuine Article”.
And sure I would love to see a paperback compilation of my stuff. But who would buy it when you can get it here free? And write for a magazine? What magazine would publish this crap? Hell, does National Lampoon even exist anymore? Or Mad Magazine?
Yeah, I’m pretty screwed. So when this “agent” specter got raised again, this time I’m taking a closer look. I mean it can’t hurt, right?”
***
So here’s the deal.
I can't do this on talent alone. So I gotta cheat, right? 'Agents', it turns out, are good for that. But rather than flopping down 550 pages, I’m essentially going to ask you to do all the work and decide on the 5 or 6 stories I present. Did anything on this site “grab” you?”
For this rather “objective and informal consultation”, I was thinking about devising a contest of some sort. And the Grand Prize would be The Most Valuable Unframed Object In World History On Earth That’s Not On Ebay:
Hm? Hm?
[LOBO]
My mom once took about 300 pages of printed Predator Press posts to an agent.
Swear to God, true story.
The agent told her that I would have to pay a $300 consultation fee, and that there was no guarantee that they would even “pick me up”.
So it could be $300 for “pointers” from some guy who maybe never even reads the thing.
That story is funny on a lot of levels. The fact that my mother was hawking my stuff was very sweet and flattering. But it was also clear evidence that she –a strict Conservative Catholic-- had never read a single page.
Since roughly February, I've been trying to produce something every day ... like simulating I have a job doing it. Make it a discipline if you will. I think initially I was toying with maybe writing for sit-coms or something, and wanted to challenge myself to 'create' more frequently. This often required posting under 'less-than-desirable' circumstances (like days when I didn’t feel like it).
And I've gotta tell you once I abandoned even the slightest hint of quality, it was all smooth sailing. Perfect for television. Further, I’m proud to officially report to you ‘o Loyal Reader, that my rapid-fire posting over the last few months produced the same, exact, equally-bad writing. And a lot more of it!
Let’s face it. There are like 900 bazzillion talented blogs out there competing for attention, and I’m far too lazy for all that. Plus, I’m a hack: guys like Lord Likely will get the book deals; they’re the “Genuine Article”.
And sure I would love to see a paperback compilation of my stuff. But who would buy it when you can get it here free? And write for a magazine? What magazine would publish this crap? Hell, does National Lampoon even exist anymore? Or Mad Magazine?
Yeah, I’m pretty screwed. So when this “agent” specter got raised again, this time I’m taking a closer look. I mean it can’t hurt, right?”
So here’s the deal.
I can't do this on talent alone. So I gotta cheat, right? 'Agents', it turns out, are good for that. But rather than flopping down 550 pages, I’m essentially going to ask you to do all the work and decide on the 5 or 6 stories I present. Did anything on this site “grab” you?”
For this rather “objective and informal consultation”, I was thinking about devising a contest of some sort. And the Grand Prize would be The Most Valuable Unframed Object In World History On Earth That’s Not On Ebay:
Hm? Hm?
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