OxyCaine

Predator Press

[Mr Insanity]

"For the last time," says Ethan. "Were not moving the entire operation to Los Angeles. Have you any idea how expensive this would all be in California?"

"You are suffering from hopelessly antiquated thinking in this regard," says LOBO.

"Excuse me? Just yesterday, you were calling for open revolt!"

"I've changed my mind. If being too pretty, too famous, too rich, or too whiney counts as a legal defense, I'm all for it. Hell, I've got a whine that'll rip through your cerebral cortex like a pickaxe. Want to hear it?"

"Not particularly."

"Ethan, just think of all the money we would save in lawyer fees when we load up our cars with drugs and crash them repeatedly under the influence and without a license. That's the kind of selective enforcement that we need."

"But none of us do drugs!"

"Maybe that's a problem too," LOBO retorts. "Everyone who's anyone is doing drugs now. America has embraced it. It's very 'Chique'. We need to 'get with the times' so to speak."

"So you think we'll all be better off if we start doing cocaine."

"Cocaine," guffaws LOBO. "Cocaine is so passé only criminals use it anymore. I'm talking OxyContin, Ritalin, and Viagra."

"I can't believe you're s-"

"Wait!" LOBO interrupts. "What if we create 'Oxy-Caine'? Now that's a party."

"Lobo," says Ethan. "You've sunken to an all-new low. Get the hell out of my office."

"I'm just saying-"

"Out!"

LOBO, rolling his eyes, closed the office door quietly behind him as he left.

"Idiot," breathed Ethan aloud into his empty office. Then he pressed the button on his intercom.

"Phoebe?"

"Yes, Ethan," she replied.

"Is lobo gone?"

"Yes Ethan."

"Get me someone from Phizer Research and Development on the phone."