Editorial: The Driver 'Ten Commandments'
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Ethan and I have to weigh in on this; we've always been of the opinion that the ability to drive is reflected inversely by the number of 'Jesus Fish' symbols proudly displayed on the bumper.
So if 'Jesus is your co-pilot' and God is now in the back seat, do we all need to start driving minivans again?
1. You shall not kill.
Redundant? Maybe. If you remember, this is already in the 'Original Charter'. Or is that a subtle reminder that plague, pestilence, famine, locusts and floods are still okay?
Hmmmmmmm.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
The only people we've ever seen "communing" on a road were in the major Chicago Metropolitan Area, on either I-94, or I-290.
And they're probably still there.
--praying for The Rapture.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
So might a fortune teller, but looking into the future equals witchcraft. Thusly, 'courtesy, uprightness and prudence' may be actually considered Heresy.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
Always flip the decapitated family a buck or two to ease their suffering.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
Yeah. We're in agreement on this one: All you cats out there with decals that say 'Git 'R Done' or have Calvin peeing on stuff are gonna be skinny-dipping in The Lake of Fire in fairly short order.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
This is a call to return to what 'The Finger' originally represented.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
--and when you're pulling them out of the burning car, be sure to jerk their spine around violently; it might help 'bring them to'.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
Bringing guilty motorists and their victims together is how the motorists became guilty and the victims became victims in the first place.
We recommend joining the 'Jaycees' or maybe a Rotary instead.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
Throw them your handguns and grenades. Now you've not only protected them, but odds are you're the new 'more vulnerable party'.
--But always remember when 'turning the other cheek', everyone has a maximum of four --unless you're really, really fat.
10. Feel responsible toward others.
We're convinced this is a sentence fragment. It should say "Feel responsible toward others at very high speeds, and surrounded by two tons of fiberglass and steel".
--because if they ever do anything stupid like that again, you're responsible.
[LOBO]
Ethan and I have to weigh in on this; we've always been of the opinion that the ability to drive is reflected inversely by the number of 'Jesus Fish' symbols proudly displayed on the bumper.
So if 'Jesus is your co-pilot' and God is now in the back seat, do we all need to start driving minivans again?
1. You shall not kill.
Redundant? Maybe. If you remember, this is already in the 'Original Charter'. Or is that a subtle reminder that plague, pestilence, famine, locusts and floods are still okay?
Hmmmmmmm.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
The only people we've ever seen "communing" on a road were in the major Chicago Metropolitan Area, on either I-94, or I-290.
And they're probably still there.
--praying for The Rapture.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
So might a fortune teller, but looking into the future equals witchcraft. Thusly, 'courtesy, uprightness and prudence' may be actually considered Heresy.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
Always flip the decapitated family a buck or two to ease their suffering.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
Yeah. We're in agreement on this one: All you cats out there with decals that say 'Git 'R Done' or have Calvin peeing on stuff are gonna be skinny-dipping in The Lake of Fire in fairly short order.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
This is a call to return to what 'The Finger' originally represented.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
--and when you're pulling them out of the burning car, be sure to jerk their spine around violently; it might help 'bring them to'.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
Bringing guilty motorists and their victims together is how the motorists became guilty and the victims became victims in the first place.
We recommend joining the 'Jaycees' or maybe a Rotary instead.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
Throw them your handguns and grenades. Now you've not only protected them, but odds are you're the new 'more vulnerable party'.
--But always remember when 'turning the other cheek', everyone has a maximum of four --unless you're really, really fat.
10. Feel responsible toward others.
We're convinced this is a sentence fragment. It should say "Feel responsible toward others at very high speeds, and surrounded by two tons of fiberglass and steel".
--because if they ever do anything stupid like that again, you're responsible.
Comments
Beautiful!!