Predator Press Announces Ten-Year Middle East Peace Plan
Predator Press
[LOBO]
-See I’m not thinking of it as a Holy war or a charitable contribution to either side.
To the contrary, I’m sick of reading about every last one of ‘em.
But if we get the Israelis out of there for a while, the other lunatics will start killing each other instead: in ten years and nobody'll be left, and then we send the bastards back one happy Hanukkah with explicit instructions:
Stay the fuck out of the news for a few centuries, capiche? -so's we can get back to Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.
So picture: around 2:00 am one fateful morning we use a bunch of low-tech cropdusters and sedate the entire population of Gaza and the West Bank or whatever.
In fact we'll get that East Bank too.
-just to show those pricks we can.
Once out cold we round the whole Israeli population up, transport them via military cargo jets, and arrange them carefully over our exact replica of the Gaza Strip currently known as New Mexico.
This “New Gaza” is far too ambitious to be perfect: doubtlessly some Israelis will occasionally grow suspicious. Perhaps even homesick. But here's where the true genius of my plan comes in: we don’t give the Israelis any time to figure anything out.
Everything in “New Gaza” is rigged to detonate at some random point when no people are within a certain radius. Thus, just as they are starting to wonder where their enemies are, boom, an empty bus explodes. Sure you’re your map seems a little off … but just as you’re trying to locate the North Star, a cactus immediately to the left goes kablooey.
And every night as they curl up to sleep, the distant horizon will be a violent and spectacular pyrotechnic symphony.
For ten years, the Israelis'll sleep like babies.
We don't have to do this for free, either: over the years the disoriented Israelis are our "guests" we can put a great big magnet on a semi or a rail car and “steer” them geographically: by carefully changing the magnetic north on their compasses we could convince them their enemies are actually to the south, surreptitiously putting the Israelis on our Mexican border patrol -all without paying them a dime.
Oh come on ... what's one more measley desert to wander? Moses had 'em goin four times that long, and this one has gas stations!
Just think if Moses had scratch-off lottery tickets and microwave burritos: that whole "New Testament" thing might've been real different.
-I'm just sayin'.
[LOBO]-See I’m not thinking of it as a Holy war or a charitable contribution to either side.
To the contrary, I’m sick of reading about every last one of ‘em.
But if we get the Israelis out of there for a while, the other lunatics will start killing each other instead: in ten years and nobody'll be left, and then we send the bastards back one happy Hanukkah with explicit instructions:
So picture: around 2:00 am one fateful morning we use a bunch of low-tech cropdusters and sedate the entire population of Gaza and the West Bank or whatever.
In fact we'll get that East Bank too.
-just to show those pricks we can.
Once out cold we round the whole Israeli population up, transport them via military cargo jets, and arrange them carefully over our exact replica of the Gaza Strip currently known as New Mexico.This “New Gaza” is far too ambitious to be perfect: doubtlessly some Israelis will occasionally grow suspicious. Perhaps even homesick. But here's where the true genius of my plan comes in: we don’t give the Israelis any time to figure anything out.
Everything in “New Gaza” is rigged to detonate at some random point when no people are within a certain radius. Thus, just as they are starting to wonder where their enemies are, boom, an empty bus explodes. Sure you’re your map seems a little off … but just as you’re trying to locate the North Star, a cactus immediately to the left goes kablooey.
And every night as they curl up to sleep, the distant horizon will be a violent and spectacular pyrotechnic symphony.
For ten years, the Israelis'll sleep like babies.
We don't have to do this for free, either: over the years the disoriented Israelis are our "guests" we can put a great big magnet on a semi or a rail car and “steer” them geographically: by carefully changing the magnetic north on their compasses we could convince them their enemies are actually to the south, surreptitiously putting the Israelis on our Mexican border patrol -all without paying them a dime.
Oh come on ... what's one more measley desert to wander? Moses had 'em goin four times that long, and this one has gas stations!Just think if Moses had scratch-off lottery tickets and microwave burritos: that whole "New Testament" thing might've been real different.
-I'm just sayin'.
Comments
I guess we could just drop them into the old Gaza and rename it New New Mexico?
Sorry Adam!