[LOBO]
"LOBO," says God."What?"
"Have you had enough punishment yet?"
"Excuse me?"
"The flooding."
"You mean the flooding in Iowa? I don't live there."
"Well where do you live?"
"Illinois."
[muffled Holy Whispering]
"Which part?" God asks.
"Pianosa. Why?"
"Where the hell is Pianosa?"
"Chicago could throw rocks at us."
"So if, say, a natural disaster hit Chicago, odds are it would take you out too?"
"Probably."
"About how far east would that be from Grand Rapids?"
"I dunno," I shrug. "200 miles maybe."
"Ever built a boat before?"
"Nope. Why?"
[muffled Holy Giggling]
"Oh, uh, just checking."
LadyTerri was surprisingly incredulous.
"So God told you to build an ark?"
"No,” I says, carefully putting up my tools. “God specifically did not tell me to build an ark. But that's God's M.O.; the second he doesn't tell you to build an ark, the next thing you know you're a barnacle on Davy Jones’ butt.”
“Why would God flood the Earth again now?”
“I’m guessing maybe American Idol.”
“Where is it?”
“It’s right here,” I says. “Behold!”
I pull the sheets clear.
“I call her the Royal Magellan.”“Honey,” says LadyTerri. “I don’t think that’s going to save us from a Biblical flood.”
“What do you mean?” I scowl. “I mean sure it might be off by a cubit or two. But there’s plenty of room for you, me and the cat.”
“What about the kids?”
“Why do you think I spent so much money on those swimming lessons?”
6 comments:
(groaning giggling laughter.)
Just stay nice and northernly LOBO, no need to bring any destruction down this way.
Just a quick note of navigation. Mt. Ararat is absolutely nowhere near Northern Idaho.
(I hear its somewhere in Tennessee.)
So, post-flood we're looking at a world evolving from you and your missus and some half-man-half-cat animals from your deviant procreative needs. Sounds good.
All that swimming lesson money, did it pay off? Guess we won't know for a while.
Man you make me laugh.
I was wondering about that ONE poor cat myself!
Holy crap that is a great read. Funny.
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