The Prince of Dorkness
Predator Press
[LOBO]
"What, brings you here today my son?" asks Father Fritz.
"Well, Patrick Swayze's death really shook me up, and I'm getting married Friday."
"I'm so happy for you my child!" says Fritz.
"She's not Catholic," I says. "I've been trying to convert her, but she's really stuck on this whole 'Christian' thing. I just want to be sure I can tell her with absolute certainty she's going to suffer Eternity burning in Hell for her heathen beliefs."
"What?"
"Hey, I'm not doing those 'stand-sit-kneel-sit-stand-sit-kneel-stand-kneel calisthenics every Sunday so's I can go to Heaven with a bunch of lazy hippie pagans."
"But you haven't been to church since 1999!"
"That was by your request."
"You kept handing out Gatorade and towels and high-fiving people. It was very disruptive."
"I was moved by The Spirit."
"LOBO," says the priest, leaning back in his chair. "Have you ever considered any other religions? Perhaps becoming Jewish?"
"I can't make that whole 'beard-without-a-mustache' look work. And those 24' sideburns could get caught in the heavy machinery at work."
"How about a cult?" he offers. "I know for a fact there are dozens of perfectly good cults out there."
"Hm," I says thinking. "I know these Qelqoth guys with a cult that seems pretty cool."
"Well there you go," says Fritz.
"I just wish I could remember what it's called ... "
[LOBO]
"What, brings you here today my son?" asks Father Fritz."Well, Patrick Swayze's death really shook me up, and I'm getting married Friday."
"I'm so happy for you my child!" says Fritz.
"She's not Catholic," I says. "I've been trying to convert her, but she's really stuck on this whole 'Christian' thing. I just want to be sure I can tell her with absolute certainty she's going to suffer Eternity burning in Hell for her heathen beliefs."
"What?"
"Hey, I'm not doing those 'stand-sit-kneel-sit-stand-sit-kneel-stand-kneel calisthenics every Sunday so's I can go to Heaven with a bunch of lazy hippie pagans."
"But you haven't been to church since 1999!"
"That was by your request."
"You kept handing out Gatorade and towels and high-fiving people. It was very disruptive."
"I was moved by The Spirit.""LOBO," says the priest, leaning back in his chair. "Have you ever considered any other religions? Perhaps becoming Jewish?"
"I can't make that whole 'beard-without-a-mustache' look work. And those 24' sideburns could get caught in the heavy machinery at work."
"How about a cult?" he offers. "I know for a fact there are dozens of perfectly good cults out there."
"Hm," I says thinking. "I know these Qelqoth guys with a cult that seems pretty cool."
"Well there you go," says Fritz.
"I just wish I could remember what it's called ... "
Comments
Are you sure you want to meet Tom Cruise? I hear even Satan cowers before him.
~JD