Fore Science
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Following in the tradition of other great sages and intellects suffering from a deep crisis of Faith, I went golfing with Speedcat Hollydale.
As a natural born athlete, I derive much pleasure from sports: distraction might be just what I need.
"Fore!" I call. Throwing the golf ball up in the air, I smack it hard with the bat and it arced gracefully. The distance was good, but it landed far to the right of my target.
"Dammit!"
"That's a mean slice you have there," says Speedcat addressing his own ball. He had a curious habit of hitting the ball from the ground with a bent metal stick.
"You should let me take a mulligan," I protest.
"Not a chance," says Speedcat, concentrating. "I've already let you take six."
"But a daiquiri umbrella was stuck in my facemask!"
"Look," he says exasperated. "At some point you're just going to have to face the fact that you're gonna owe me that 100 bucks."
Whock
... Crash!
"Hah!" I says. "You didn't call your shot!"
"First, this isn't Pool. And second, that's the only damned window the police car had left!" Speedcat argued. "Speaking of which, we should get moving. That cop is bound to come out of that Dunkin' Donuts any second now."
"So you forfeit?"
"Like hell."
"All right, screw it," I says. Struggling under my protective sternum plate, I dig for my wallet.
'Your game was really off today," observes Speedcat. "What's bothering you?"
"I hadda get a blood test for the wedding," I concede. "The whole thing was very traumatizing."
"Did they find something wrong?"
"No. My blood got an A+, once again demonstrating it's intellectual superiority over all the other stupid and inferior bloods." I hand him a $100 bill. "I just feel like I was treated rudely from the start."
"Really?"
"Yeah. When I got to the medical center, I was very clear that nobody was gonna impale me except for Doctor Toboggans ... Especially not that quack Doctor I. M. Nyarlathotep."
Speedcat paused from packing his clubs. "Well that sounds pretty straightforward actually."
"Yeah. But Doctor I. M. Nyarlathotep was argumentative," I says, throwing my football shoulderpads in the trunk. "He was all, 'But Toboggans isn't that kind of Doctor,' and Toboggans is busy saving America from certain economic disaster,' blah blah blah."
"You're kidding," says Speedcat, tightening the knot on the kayak caddy. "Hey, watch out. Here comes the Zamboni."
"Thanks."
"So what did you tell him?"
"I asked him flatly what kind of 'medical center' the ignoramus was supposedly running devoid of such luminaries as Doctor Toboggans."
"Then what happened?"
"I don't know. The tranquilizer dart started taking effect."
[LOBO]
Following in the tradition of other great sages and intellects suffering from a deep crisis of Faith, I went golfing with Speedcat Hollydale.
As a natural born athlete, I derive much pleasure from sports: distraction might be just what I need.
"Fore!" I call. Throwing the golf ball up in the air, I smack it hard with the bat and it arced gracefully. The distance was good, but it landed far to the right of my target.
"Dammit!"
"That's a mean slice you have there," says Speedcat addressing his own ball. He had a curious habit of hitting the ball from the ground with a bent metal stick.
"You should let me take a mulligan," I protest.
"Not a chance," says Speedcat, concentrating. "I've already let you take six."
"But a daiquiri umbrella was stuck in my facemask!"
"Look," he says exasperated. "At some point you're just going to have to face the fact that you're gonna owe me that 100 bucks."
Whock
... Crash!
"Hah!" I says. "You didn't call your shot!"
"First, this isn't Pool. And second, that's the only damned window the police car had left!" Speedcat argued. "Speaking of which, we should get moving. That cop is bound to come out of that Dunkin' Donuts any second now."
"So you forfeit?"
"Like hell."
"All right, screw it," I says. Struggling under my protective sternum plate, I dig for my wallet.
'Your game was really off today," observes Speedcat. "What's bothering you?"
"I hadda get a blood test for the wedding," I concede. "The whole thing was very traumatizing."
"Did they find something wrong?"
"No. My blood got an A+, once again demonstrating it's intellectual superiority over all the other stupid and inferior bloods." I hand him a $100 bill. "I just feel like I was treated rudely from the start."
"Really?"
"Yeah. When I got to the medical center, I was very clear that nobody was gonna impale me except for Doctor Toboggans ... Especially not that quack Doctor I. M. Nyarlathotep."
Speedcat paused from packing his clubs. "Well that sounds pretty straightforward actually."
"Yeah. But Doctor I. M. Nyarlathotep was argumentative," I says, throwing my football shoulderpads in the trunk. "He was all, 'But Toboggans isn't that kind of Doctor,' and Toboggans is busy saving America from certain economic disaster,' blah blah blah." "You're kidding," says Speedcat, tightening the knot on the kayak caddy. "Hey, watch out. Here comes the Zamboni."
"Thanks."
"So what did you tell him?"
"I asked him flatly what kind of 'medical center' the ignoramus was supposedly running devoid of such luminaries as Doctor Toboggans."
"Then what happened?"
"I don't know. The tranquilizer dart started taking effect."
Comments
(Was he wearing his Loin Cloth?)
Thank god for the cup.
Really though, you should get your sports equipment somewhere else than Walmart. I think your golf balls were a but moooshy ... they don't fly as far.
Next time, lets play for a chicken dinner at Denny's!! Less pressure, and win or loose - you win.
...ohhh, and sorry about the broken 5 iron. Did you know I will be playing in this years Masters? I am qualified through my state mid-amateur championship. The story about my "possible cheating" on course is a bunch of hoooie.
FORE!!!!!!!!!!
SpeedyCat GolfinCat
I have been trying for five years to get an appointment with a doctor other than Toboggans but somehow he's the only one on my HMO.
His office called yesterday to remind about my proctology appointment.
You must know someone who can help.
Did Penn Fraser Jillette teach Lobo how to play golf?
Reference Video: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3115660901477880509
I had no idea.. and I was going to invite him to the Subury Saturday night winter golf tournament...If he came like that he would end up in the ice sculpture competition...:))))))
A customer in Santiago was inquiring.
Another fine product from DONCO.