It's About Time
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Brace yourselves ... for what I am about to reveal to you might just be such a profound shock to your unprepared noggin, it might twist your frail psyche into a pretzel. And not a warm, soft and chewy pretzel ... I mean a mind-shattered, neurosis-addled, learning impaired, curled-up-in-an-embryonic-position-in-the-corner-of-the-room stale kind of pretzel!
Look at the date on this post. It clearly says "Wednesday, March 26, 2008", doesn't it?
Now look at your calendar.
Hm?
Ha! Bask in the splendor, ye nonbelievers! Albert Einstein and, eh, lots of other noted physicists all said it couldn't be done. But by the simple act of putting a picture of the inside of my pocket in my pocket, I have shattered the Space-Time continuum.
Indeed, it's all very scientific; you have to do long division, and there's lots of fractions an stuff. Nonetheless, I, LOBO, am speaking to you from THE FUTURE.
... In your face, you mathematical quacks!
Further, I hold in my hand a lottery ticket. But this isn't just any lottery ticket; it's a lottery ticket from THE FUTURE. And as soon as all you jerks catch up with me and we all get to Thursday, I'm gonna be a very wealthy man.
And what will I do with my kajillion dollars? Well, I certainly ain't going to take any blog crap; I'm going to hire pricey ruthless mercenary thugs like Mike Tyson, Bill Gates 'an Martha Stewart to go stomp the daylights out of all those other blogs. Then, as Predator Press stands alone over the wasteland of ashes and smoldering rubble, I'll hire some more guys to burn down the wasteland of ashes and rubble. Streaming tears of joy, I'll dance and squish my toes in what remains of this impudent "Blogosphere"... Then I alone shall reign supreme as technocratic god-king, merciless tyrannical ruler of all I survey!
I won't stop there either. I'll throw a barbeque, and conduct a mass execution of people who leave big chunks of onion in their potato salad ... we'll line 'em up right next to guys who wear eye-watering quantities of Axe Body Spray -dammit, it's high time we took a stand in the name of having a personality. And don't even get me started on the writers of ABC's TV show "LOST" ... can't they please just finally fix the 'collate' feature on the copy machine they issue scripts from? No? Well I'll fix those goddamn pothole plotlines good.
I must admit I don't completely understand how buying a lottery ticket when you time travel to THE FUTURE increases your odds of winning. I mean, don't all those other people buying lottery tickets on Wednesday have exactly the same odds too?
This is perplexing.
Let's just forget I said anything at all.
[LOBO]Brace yourselves ... for what I am about to reveal to you might just be such a profound shock to your unprepared noggin, it might twist your frail psyche into a pretzel. And not a warm, soft and chewy pretzel ... I mean a mind-shattered, neurosis-addled, learning impaired, curled-up-in-an-embryonic-position-in-the-corner-of-the-room stale kind of pretzel!
Look at the date on this post. It clearly says "Wednesday, March 26, 2008", doesn't it?
Now look at your calendar.
Hm?
Ha! Bask in the splendor, ye nonbelievers! Albert Einstein and, eh, lots of other noted physicists all said it couldn't be done. But by the simple act of putting a picture of the inside of my pocket in my pocket, I have shattered the Space-Time continuum.
Indeed, it's all very scientific; you have to do long division, and there's lots of fractions an stuff. Nonetheless, I, LOBO, am speaking to you from THE FUTURE.
... In your face, you mathematical quacks!
Further, I hold in my hand a lottery ticket. But this isn't just any lottery ticket; it's a lottery ticket from THE FUTURE. And as soon as all you jerks catch up with me and we all get to Thursday, I'm gonna be a very wealthy man.
And what will I do with my kajillion dollars? Well, I certainly ain't going to take any blog crap; I'm going to hire pricey ruthless mercenary thugs like Mike Tyson, Bill Gates 'an Martha Stewart to go stomp the daylights out of all those other blogs. Then, as Predator Press stands alone over the wasteland of ashes and smoldering rubble, I'll hire some more guys to burn down the wasteland of ashes and rubble. Streaming tears of joy, I'll dance and squish my toes in what remains of this impudent "Blogosphere"... Then I alone shall reign supreme as technocratic god-king, merciless tyrannical ruler of all I survey!
I won't stop there either. I'll throw a barbeque, and conduct a mass execution of people who leave big chunks of onion in their potato salad ... we'll line 'em up right next to guys who wear eye-watering quantities of Axe Body Spray -dammit, it's high time we took a stand in the name of having a personality. And don't even get me started on the writers of ABC's TV show "LOST" ... can't they please just finally fix the 'collate' feature on the copy machine they issue scripts from? No? Well I'll fix those goddamn pothole plotlines good. I must admit I don't completely understand how buying a lottery ticket when you time travel to THE FUTURE increases your odds of winning. I mean, don't all those other people buying lottery tickets on Wednesday have exactly the same odds too?
This is perplexing.
Let's just forget I said anything at all.
Comments
I've been waiting bloody AGES for them.
Anyway, if it all does work out for you, I'm willing to sell you DONCO for a very reasonable price.
I would be the first to go, leaving the biggest chunks of onion because they make me gag.
I hope so, or at least moving sidewalks.
Give me something to look forward to, LOBO!!