Cashing In

Predator Press

[LOBO]

I didn't expect to be at work today, but Rupert Murdoch's 3 billion dollar check is apparently delayed.

I don't know what the number '3 billion' even looks like, but I imagine the check to be very, very long; it's probably in a very, very long envelope and jamming some machine at the post office.

So I gotta go to work today.

Phooey.


***

I find myself daydreaming about 3 billion dollars. Dammit, that's a lot of scratch-off lottery tickets I'll bet. And my hand would get all cramped up after a while, and then I would have to hire someone to help me. But I'll have to hire someone to do my hiring first -I hate job interviews. And I'll bet the jerk steals my lucky scratching quarter, and I have to call the cops on him. And then the lawyers have my 3 billion dollars.

I don't like this plan anymore.

And who is going to shuffle up Jimmy Orlando's paperwork when I retire with 3 billion dollars?


***

With 3 billion dollars, I could travel.

I could go clear to Portland Oregon if I wanted. Hell, with 3 billion dollars, I could have Portland Oregon brought to me.

Where the hell am I going to put Portland Oregon?

Rupert, did you make the check out for 'cash'? The bank always gives me shit because the only ID I got is a library card that expired in 1999. But I'll bet they change their tune when they see that check! They'll all be like "Yes, sir," and "No, sir," hoping I will buy them stuff.

And buy stuff I shall! With 3 billion dollars, I could go to the Dollar Store, and buy presents for, ah ... well ... a lot of people!

Rupert, I hope you sent it certified.

Rupert?