Predator Press Interviews: Some Guy
Predator Press
[LOBO]
I don't want to do an interview today.
I want to gloat.
All you people that were sayin' "Oh, that LOBO ... submarine ninjas? He's gone completely crackers now," owe me one Big Fat apology; CNN reported today that submarine ninjas have been captured in New York.
In your face all you skeptics; I told you so!
And I understand the desire to doubt me when you're troubled with nuisance 'facts' and stuff; I will not hold it against you. Predator Press loves it's dumb readers too, and with 89% of the same guaranteed ardor and zeal that our smart readers enjoy.
Has the precious Wall Street Journal ever promised you anything like that?
Hm?
But yeah, here, at the pinnacle of ardent gloatability, Ethan makes me do an interview.
So here it is:
LOBO: So who the fuck are you?
Some Guy: I'm Dan Albern, Editor of The Pianosa Times.
LOBO: Well, Predator Press isn't hiring.
Some Guy: I'm not here for that kind of interview.
LOBO: No, of course you're not. You're here for the kind of 'interview' that screws me outta press time for the capture of the New York submarine ninjas.
Some Guy: Actually, that's not true. I understand you were also involved with the apprehension of the notorious Legless Jim.
LOBO: Who?
Some Guy: He has just been made eligible for the death penalty.
LOBO: Serves him right, probably.
Some Guy: How did you get the name 'LOBO'?
LOBO: Legend has it a gamma Northern Timber Wolf chewed me out of her own cervix, 'cuz she thought I was malignant.
Some Guy: Really?
LOBO: Got the scars to prove it.
Some Guy: Oh my God, those are horrible!
LOBO: From then on, I was raised by the Chippewa Tribe until I got adopted.
Some Guy: Fascinating. An orphan is given the honorary status of Sherrif of Pianosa.
LOBO: What?
Some Guy: That's why I'm here.
LOBO: Sheriff LOBO?
Some Guy: Precisely.
LOBO: I don't like it; it's not very memorable at all. Can I be Sheriff Chainsaw instead?
Some Guy: Probably.
LOBO: Can I kill people?
Some Guy: Only when they are engaged in the commission of a crime.
LOBO: Can I make it a crime to wear a thong if you're a fat, hairy freakish descendant of Bigfoot wearin rollerblades?
Some Guy: Our readers will be very disappointed. We've invited many of them to the inauguration ceremony.
LOBO: Where I'll settle the whole damn mystery once and for all.
Some Guy: But as a crimefighter of local renown, we're doing a story on the man who was nominated 'Honorary Sheriff of Pianosa'. You're supposed to be a forward-thinking noble vanguard in pursuit of justice.
LOBO: Wait. You're interviewing me?
[LOBO]I don't want to do an interview today.
I want to gloat.
All you people that were sayin' "Oh, that LOBO ... submarine ninjas? He's gone completely crackers now," owe me one Big Fat apology; CNN reported today that submarine ninjas have been captured in New York.
In your face all you skeptics; I told you so!
And I understand the desire to doubt me when you're troubled with nuisance 'facts' and stuff; I will not hold it against you. Predator Press loves it's dumb readers too, and with 89% of the same guaranteed ardor and zeal that our smart readers enjoy.
Has the precious Wall Street Journal ever promised you anything like that?
Hm?
But yeah, here, at the pinnacle of ardent gloatability, Ethan makes me do an interview.
So here it is:
LOBO: So who the fuck are you?
Some Guy: I'm Dan Albern, Editor of The Pianosa Times.
LOBO: Well, Predator Press isn't hiring.
Some Guy: I'm not here for that kind of interview.
LOBO: No, of course you're not. You're here for the kind of 'interview' that screws me outta press time for the capture of the New York submarine ninjas.
Some Guy: Actually, that's not true. I understand you were also involved with the apprehension of the notorious Legless Jim.
LOBO: Who?
Some Guy: He has just been made eligible for the death penalty.
LOBO: Serves him right, probably.
Some Guy: How did you get the name 'LOBO'?
LOBO: Legend has it a gamma Northern Timber Wolf chewed me out of her own cervix, 'cuz she thought I was malignant.
Some Guy: Really?
LOBO: Got the scars to prove it.
Some Guy: Oh my God, those are horrible!
LOBO: From then on, I was raised by the Chippewa Tribe until I got adopted.
Some Guy: Fascinating. An orphan is given the honorary status of Sherrif of Pianosa.
LOBO: What?
Some Guy: That's why I'm here.
LOBO: Sheriff LOBO?
Some Guy: Precisely.
LOBO: I don't like it; it's not very memorable at all. Can I be Sheriff Chainsaw instead?
Some Guy: Probably.
LOBO: Can I kill people?
Some Guy: Only when they are engaged in the commission of a crime.
LOBO: Can I make it a crime to wear a thong if you're a fat, hairy freakish descendant of Bigfoot wearin rollerblades?
Some Guy: Our readers will be very disappointed. We've invited many of them to the inauguration ceremony.
LOBO: Where I'll settle the whole damn mystery once and for all.
Some Guy: But as a crimefighter of local renown, we're doing a story on the man who was nominated 'Honorary Sheriff of Pianosa'. You're supposed to be a forward-thinking noble vanguard in pursuit of justice.LOBO: Wait. You're interviewing me?
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