Jesus: Michael Vick found WHO?

Predator Press

Jesus: LOBO.

LOBO: Oh holy crap. Jesus Christ, it's like 4 in the morning!

Jesus: Wake up and experience your VISION.

LOBO: I told you LAST time I only want visions after 10:00am.

Jesus: I know. But this one is really important.

LOBO: Like those bogus football picks you gave me last year? I lost everything I had except these lousy shares of Predator Press.

Jesus: Which kept both Ethan and Babs from taking over, right? Now your life is a Hellbound hedonistic adventure of being constantly wooed by rich, smarmy screwballs for controlling interest of the company.

LOBO: Yeah. Thanks. But seriously, you could call first.

Jesus: I heard Michael Vick 'found' Me today.

LOBO: Yeah well, so did David 'Son of Sam' Berkowitz. Let's just say when it comes to getting 'found,' Waldo's got you boned.

Jesus: Don't you think people 'finding' me after acts of unconscionable evil makes a mockery of my teachings and followers?

LOBO: I'll say. But without 'Forgiveness', there's no real motivation to straighten yourself up, is there? What's the point if there's no hope? And frankly, the Bible is chocked FULL of dismembered mutton.

Jesus: I think Michael Vick should seek forgiveness from Anubis first. THEN he should check with Me.

LOBO: So you're goin' Old Testament on his ass?

Jesus: Probably not.

LOBO: Jesus, I don't get it. At least a butcher kills something quickly. This guy got animals hacked up, and then melted them alive. Who wants to be in an 'afterlife' with monsters like that?

Jesus: We've got a different Heaven for David Berkowitz and Michael Vick.

LOBO: Really?

Jesus: Same Heaven really. But their servers all crash every 12-24 minutes.