Let Freedom Scream
Predator Press
[LOBO]
"Alright Newt," I says. "Lets go over this scene once more."
"I'm standing right here," says Newt. "I don't think you need the megaphone."
"Look Newt," I says frustrated. "This ain't Capitol Hill. I handle all the censorship around here. Now in this scene, you jump off of the fourth story, somersault gracefully to the ground by virtue of this crane and harness, and kick the crap out of six insurgents."
Newt pulls on the harness nervously. "Are you sure this thing is safe?"
"It's all physics, baby," I says walking back to my chair. "As long as you're exactly 180 pounds like it says on your driver's license, you're as safe as if in your mother's arms. Now the second you here the 'All Clear' safety bell, jump."
A bell rang, and Newt jumped. The crane buckled, and what followed was a scene of catastrophic mechanical failure.
The bell rang again.
Exasperated, I answered my cell phone.
"Hello? Oh hi Mom. Listen I can't talk right now. I'm shooting a movie."
Somewhere below, I could hear Newt groaning.
The 'All Clear' safety bell rang.
"Cut!," I yell. "Print it. That was fantastic! Newt, nice touch with that look of terror. It looked absolutely believable."
"Uhhnn," he says.
"Alright everyone," I says into the megaphone. "We have 30 more scenes to shoot today. Is the Limbaugh Piranha Cannon ready?"
"We're all set sir," says a wincing aide two feet away. "But Rush is complaining that there aren't any piranhas in Iraq."
"Fucking actors," I breathe. "Is he at least in his suit basted with goldfish flakes and pork chops?"
"Yes."
"Well, just push him in the ammo pool and shoot that. I suspect the piranhas aren't such sticklers for detail."
[LOBO]
"Alright Newt," I says. "Lets go over this scene once more."
"I'm standing right here," says Newt. "I don't think you need the megaphone."
"Look Newt," I says frustrated. "This ain't Capitol Hill. I handle all the censorship around here. Now in this scene, you jump off of the fourth story, somersault gracefully to the ground by virtue of this crane and harness, and kick the crap out of six insurgents."
Newt pulls on the harness nervously. "Are you sure this thing is safe?"
"It's all physics, baby," I says walking back to my chair. "As long as you're exactly 180 pounds like it says on your driver's license, you're as safe as if in your mother's arms. Now the second you here the 'All Clear' safety bell, jump."
A bell rang, and Newt jumped. The crane buckled, and what followed was a scene of catastrophic mechanical failure.
The bell rang again.
Exasperated, I answered my cell phone.
"Hello? Oh hi Mom. Listen I can't talk right now. I'm shooting a movie."
Somewhere below, I could hear Newt groaning.
The 'All Clear' safety bell rang.
"Cut!," I yell. "Print it. That was fantastic! Newt, nice touch with that look of terror. It looked absolutely believable."
"Uhhnn," he says.
"Alright everyone," I says into the megaphone. "We have 30 more scenes to shoot today. Is the Limbaugh Piranha Cannon ready?"
"We're all set sir," says a wincing aide two feet away. "But Rush is complaining that there aren't any piranhas in Iraq."
"Fucking actors," I breathe. "Is he at least in his suit basted with goldfish flakes and pork chops?"
"Yes."
"Well, just push him in the ammo pool and shoot that. I suspect the piranhas aren't such sticklers for detail."
Comments