Day Two
Predator Press
[Mr Insanity]
You know, it's been about 30 years since I've done anything similar to camping. And while not particularly exited about the idea at first, it soon became apparent that LOBO wasn't going to be hanging around; this leaves the rather attractive prospect of me alone with Sapphire and Phoebe for however long this "teambuilding" exercise will last.
LOBO -despite his claims to have been on a few of these activities before-seemed to rattle rather quickly. After a few hours of staring despondently into the woods where Ethan drove off sort of sulkily resigned himself to "roughing it".
This lasted around eight minutes.
Frustrated by his inability to find a way to plug in his canteen and mess kit, he was soon bored, hungry, and growing increasingly agitated by the sounds of the wildlife surrounding us in the darkening wood.
"What was that!?" he would demand abruptly.
"I think it was a sparrow," volunteers Sapphire.
"How dare Ethan leave me out here unarmed in a wilderness full of fierce, carnivorous sparrows?"
"LOBO," sighs Phoebe. "I'm sure Ethan is somewhere close by ... he's probably watching us right now. Now would you please come down out of that tree?"
"Yes," I add. "And you do realize that sparrows can fly, right?"
LOBO shrieked. "We can't just sit out here starving to death. Listen ... you can just hear those savage beasts waiting for us to become weak and emaciated, that they may feast upon our entrails!"
"Look," says Sapphire. "There's nothing we can do about any of this. What we need to do is set up a camp for the night and get a fire going."
"Don't let me stop you," he says from somewhere in the tree.
I find a nice, round rock about the size of a baseball and nudge Phoebe. Repeatedly pinching my fingers and thumb together by my mouth, I give her the universal sign language for 'keep him talking' as I quietly circle the tree.
"LOBO," Phoebe says coaxingly. "We need your help."
"Doing what?"
Sapphire, seeing me homing in on his voice, catches on. "We need your help to gather firewood."
"Firewood?" LOBO laughs. "Oh my god you must be joking. That stuff is filthy. And probably crawling with bugs and stuff."
"How else are we going to build a fire?" asks Sapphire.
"Silly girl," laughs LOBO condescendingly. "Don't you see that there is no better way of giving up our location to all the predatory creatures out here than to build a fire? Why don't you just smear yourself with barbeque sauce while holding up a gigantic neon sign that says 'EAT ME'-- ?"
The sound of the rock whipping through the air, leaves and branches was followed by a sharp distinct crack.
Silence.
"My god," whispers Sapphire. "That was 86 miles per hour!"
"I played AAA for a few years." I smile smugly.
"LOBO?" called Phoebe, slightly concerned.
Nothing.
"Three, two, one ... " I count aloud.
Suddenly, there's a rustling sound, subtle at first, then a series of sharp cracks, and finally the loud, dull thump of LOBO's inert body crashing into the ground. Startled, thirty or so alarmed sparrows take flight in random directions.
"Do that again!" Sapphire applauds.
[Mr Insanity]
You know, it's been about 30 years since I've done anything similar to camping. And while not particularly exited about the idea at first, it soon became apparent that LOBO wasn't going to be hanging around; this leaves the rather attractive prospect of me alone with Sapphire and Phoebe for however long this "teambuilding" exercise will last.
LOBO -despite his claims to have been on a few of these activities before-seemed to rattle rather quickly. After a few hours of staring despondently into the woods where Ethan drove off sort of sulkily resigned himself to "roughing it".
This lasted around eight minutes.
Frustrated by his inability to find a way to plug in his canteen and mess kit, he was soon bored, hungry, and growing increasingly agitated by the sounds of the wildlife surrounding us in the darkening wood.
"What was that!?" he would demand abruptly.
"I think it was a sparrow," volunteers Sapphire.
"How dare Ethan leave me out here unarmed in a wilderness full of fierce, carnivorous sparrows?"
"LOBO," sighs Phoebe. "I'm sure Ethan is somewhere close by ... he's probably watching us right now. Now would you please come down out of that tree?"
"Yes," I add. "And you do realize that sparrows can fly, right?"
LOBO shrieked. "We can't just sit out here starving to death. Listen ... you can just hear those savage beasts waiting for us to become weak and emaciated, that they may feast upon our entrails!"
"Look," says Sapphire. "There's nothing we can do about any of this. What we need to do is set up a camp for the night and get a fire going."
"Don't let me stop you," he says from somewhere in the tree.
I find a nice, round rock about the size of a baseball and nudge Phoebe. Repeatedly pinching my fingers and thumb together by my mouth, I give her the universal sign language for 'keep him talking' as I quietly circle the tree.
"LOBO," Phoebe says coaxingly. "We need your help."
"Doing what?"
Sapphire, seeing me homing in on his voice, catches on. "We need your help to gather firewood."
"Firewood?" LOBO laughs. "Oh my god you must be joking. That stuff is filthy. And probably crawling with bugs and stuff."
"How else are we going to build a fire?" asks Sapphire.
"Silly girl," laughs LOBO condescendingly. "Don't you see that there is no better way of giving up our location to all the predatory creatures out here than to build a fire? Why don't you just smear yourself with barbeque sauce while holding up a gigantic neon sign that says 'EAT ME'-- ?"
The sound of the rock whipping through the air, leaves and branches was followed by a sharp distinct crack.
Silence.
"My god," whispers Sapphire. "That was 86 miles per hour!"
"I played AAA for a few years." I smile smugly.
"LOBO?" called Phoebe, slightly concerned.
Nothing.
"Three, two, one ... " I count aloud.
Suddenly, there's a rustling sound, subtle at first, then a series of sharp cracks, and finally the loud, dull thump of LOBO's inert body crashing into the ground. Startled, thirty or so alarmed sparrows take flight in random directions.
"Do that again!" Sapphire applauds.
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