Predator Press
[Mr. Insanity]
Too depressed to even defile any graves, LOBO wailed over Legless Jim's coffin. "Why?" he sobbed at the empty sky. "Why Jim? He was such a good guy. Young, vibrant ... so full of life and love! He had so much to contribute."
I put my hand on his shoulder, and for a second, his tearful eye met mine. Then he turned and shook his fist upward, "Couldn't you take Mr Insanity instead? I mean he's actually on the payroll ...!"
***
The Chick Magnet wouldn't start, so Sapphire drove LOBO, Legless Jim and I home. Legless Jim rode shotgun; he was developing a thing for the girl.
"It'll never work," LOBO whispers to me. "She might be a malfunctioning psychotic robot, but even with Brad Pitt's legs I don't think necrophilia is among her vast repertoire of neurosi and insecurities."
"'Vast repertoire--'?!" says Sapphire, slamming on the brakes.
"Hey," LOBO continues. "It's not my fault you're a psychological wasteland of irrational thought processes--"
Sapphire glared at him through the mirror for a moment in complete disbelief. Then, the overhead light came on as she opened the door.
"What he's trying to say," Legless Jim added, thinking quickly, "is that you are a very attractive woman that's just having an unlucky run right now."
She paused.
"Yeah," says LOBO. "You're a totally hot babe. There's absolutely no reason you shouldn't be beating guys off with both hands."
"We're going to be late for the séance if we don't get moving," I says, nervously close to the man who would soon be turned into a smoldering crater.
"Séance?" says LOBO, alarmed.
Sapphire shut the door, and activates the door locks, smiling coyly.
"Yeah," I says. "We're going to try to contact Legless Jim from the other side."
LOBO shrunk in his seat. "We're going to contact the dead?"
"Yes," says Sapphire, grinning. "Haven't done anything to piss off the dead lately, have you?"
LOBO couldn't hear.
He was loudly trying to chew his way through the car door.
[Mr. Insanity]
Too depressed to even defile any graves, LOBO wailed over Legless Jim's coffin. "Why?" he sobbed at the empty sky. "Why Jim? He was such a good guy. Young, vibrant ... so full of life and love! He had so much to contribute."
I put my hand on his shoulder, and for a second, his tearful eye met mine. Then he turned and shook his fist upward, "Couldn't you take Mr Insanity instead? I mean he's actually on the payroll ...!"
The Chick Magnet wouldn't start, so Sapphire drove LOBO, Legless Jim and I home. Legless Jim rode shotgun; he was developing a thing for the girl.
"It'll never work," LOBO whispers to me. "She might be a malfunctioning psychotic robot, but even with Brad Pitt's legs I don't think necrophilia is among her vast repertoire of neurosi and insecurities."
"'Vast repertoire--'?!" says Sapphire, slamming on the brakes.
"Hey," LOBO continues. "It's not my fault you're a psychological wasteland of irrational thought processes--"
Sapphire glared at him through the mirror for a moment in complete disbelief. Then, the overhead light came on as she opened the door.
"What he's trying to say," Legless Jim added, thinking quickly, "is that you are a very attractive woman that's just having an unlucky run right now."
She paused.
"Yeah," says LOBO. "You're a totally hot babe. There's absolutely no reason you shouldn't be beating guys off with both hands."
"We're going to be late for the séance if we don't get moving," I says, nervously close to the man who would soon be turned into a smoldering crater.
"Séance?" says LOBO, alarmed.
Sapphire shut the door, and activates the door locks, smiling coyly.
"Yeah," I says. "We're going to try to contact Legless Jim from the other side."
LOBO shrunk in his seat. "We're going to contact the dead?"
"Yes," says Sapphire, grinning. "Haven't done anything to piss off the dead lately, have you?"
LOBO couldn't hear.
He was loudly trying to chew his way through the car door.
Comments