Lovefool
Predator Press
[LOBO]
After centuries, mass transit was not yet perfected.
Particularly in the case when everyone that works on it is dead; Max, Brighta and Vetter were kicked off a full half of a mile before reaching the home of The Crone, and no transfers were issued.
In secrecy, they observed The Crone: a spitting, toothless, bitter old woman, quietly puttering around her yard. "Where the Hell are those jerks?" she would complain, picking weeds from her vegetable garden.
Impatient, Brighta burst forward. "Madam, we are those jerks. In the name of King Casio, you and all--"
"Yes, yes," cackled The Crone. "Here to rape and plunder, eh?"
"Uh, no. Actually--"
"Says right here," Max interupted, unrolling an official-looking scroll from his breast pocket. "Find and conquer Towndaleburgville. Rape, pillage and plunder. Signed King Casio." he re-rolled the document and returned it to his coat. "Now, Vetter always takes 'plunder'. And I've got dibs on 'pillage' ..."
The Crone smiled, flirting toothlessly, flashing her dagger-like eyelash.
"But I don't want rape this time!" cried Brighta. "You always take rape!"
"Not this time."
"Can I just do the horse?"
The Crone started buttoning her blouse. "Listen you jerks. You need a country to invade, and I need an invaded country to live in." She spat. "What we have to do is find a way to defeat the dragon."
Brighta whined "I don't know how you expect to get laid if you call your genitalia 'The Dragon' ... "
"No, dumbass. We need to fight evil. Therefore, we need to locate an ultimate wanton cesspool of debauched and sinful desire, and find someone that is excelling in such a dangerously evil place."
"You hoo!" a familiar female voice called from the back. "Old lady, I can't find my bikini top!"
Max drew his sword. "What's that vile woman?" he threatened. "A trap? A vile ogre, bent on pounding our bones into a fine, pasty pulp to be squeezed though a cheap screen door--?"
"That's Princess Phoebe. She's sunning by the pool."
Somewhere, barely out of sight, Beautiful White Stallion fainted dead away with a huge crash.
"Alright I call bullshit!" exclaimed Brighta as they walked around the dilapidated shack. He pointed at his counting fingers, "Princess Phoebe was most plainly killed in 'A Fairy Tale' released by LOBO in 1999 ..."
All became quiet as Princess Phoebe climbed out of the heated indoor pool. Shaking her waist-length dark hair, droplets of water ran down her well-oiled curvy features.
And for a heated indoor pool, wow was it cold in there.
"My God!" said Brighta. "She looks delicious. And let me tell you, I've eaten my share of people--"
***
"There!" The Crone pointed at the Crystal Ball. "That's a goddamned hero."
As they all watched in the glass, a single man leapt and bounded from horse to horse, slaying inept attackers left and right.
Brighta whistled. "Did you see that? That was goddamn amazing!"
"Why are you showing us this, woman?" asked Max. He wasn't paying attention. He was watching Pheobe.
"Because that's our dragon-slaying hero dumbass."
"Why are you calling me a dumbass?" asked Pheobe. She wasn't paying attention. She was watching the valiant knight in the crystal ball.
The Crone sighed. "Because he's the only hope for the future of Towndaleburgville!"
"So where do we find him?"
The Crone turned the ball over and shook it. When the snow settled, she pointed.
"Says here, 'Las Vegas' ..."
[LOBO]
After centuries, mass transit was not yet perfected.
Particularly in the case when everyone that works on it is dead; Max, Brighta and Vetter were kicked off a full half of a mile before reaching the home of The Crone, and no transfers were issued.
In secrecy, they observed The Crone: a spitting, toothless, bitter old woman, quietly puttering around her yard. "Where the Hell are those jerks?" she would complain, picking weeds from her vegetable garden.
Impatient, Brighta burst forward. "Madam, we are those jerks. In the name of King Casio, you and all--"
"Yes, yes," cackled The Crone. "Here to rape and plunder, eh?"
"Uh, no. Actually--"
"Says right here," Max interupted, unrolling an official-looking scroll from his breast pocket. "Find and conquer Towndaleburgville. Rape, pillage and plunder. Signed King Casio." he re-rolled the document and returned it to his coat. "Now, Vetter always takes 'plunder'. And I've got dibs on 'pillage' ..."
The Crone smiled, flirting toothlessly, flashing her dagger-like eyelash.
"But I don't want rape this time!" cried Brighta. "You always take rape!"
"Not this time."
"Can I just do the horse?"
The Crone started buttoning her blouse. "Listen you jerks. You need a country to invade, and I need an invaded country to live in." She spat. "What we have to do is find a way to defeat the dragon."
Brighta whined "I don't know how you expect to get laid if you call your genitalia 'The Dragon' ... "
"No, dumbass. We need to fight evil. Therefore, we need to locate an ultimate wanton cesspool of debauched and sinful desire, and find someone that is excelling in such a dangerously evil place."
"You hoo!" a familiar female voice called from the back. "Old lady, I can't find my bikini top!"
Max drew his sword. "What's that vile woman?" he threatened. "A trap? A vile ogre, bent on pounding our bones into a fine, pasty pulp to be squeezed though a cheap screen door--?"
"That's Princess Phoebe. She's sunning by the pool."
Somewhere, barely out of sight, Beautiful White Stallion fainted dead away with a huge crash.
"Alright I call bullshit!" exclaimed Brighta as they walked around the dilapidated shack. He pointed at his counting fingers, "Princess Phoebe was most plainly killed in 'A Fairy Tale' released by LOBO in 1999 ..."
All became quiet as Princess Phoebe climbed out of the heated indoor pool. Shaking her waist-length dark hair, droplets of water ran down her well-oiled curvy features.
And for a heated indoor pool, wow was it cold in there.
"My God!" said Brighta. "She looks delicious. And let me tell you, I've eaten my share of people--"
"There!" The Crone pointed at the Crystal Ball. "That's a goddamned hero."
As they all watched in the glass, a single man leapt and bounded from horse to horse, slaying inept attackers left and right.
Brighta whistled. "Did you see that? That was goddamn amazing!"
"Why are you showing us this, woman?" asked Max. He wasn't paying attention. He was watching Pheobe.
"Because that's our dragon-slaying hero dumbass."
"Why are you calling me a dumbass?" asked Pheobe. She wasn't paying attention. She was watching the valiant knight in the crystal ball.
The Crone sighed. "Because he's the only hope for the future of Towndaleburgville!"
"So where do we find him?"
The Crone turned the ball over and shook it. When the snow settled, she pointed.
"Says here, 'Las Vegas' ..."
Comments
very well written, more! more! more! :)