Predator Press
[LOBO]
Please stop emailing me asking if I've found 'Our Savior, Lord Jesus Christ'.
I didn't even know the guy was missing, okay? I had absolutely nothing to do with it.
What makes you think if I were to kidnap somebody, it would be some long-haired bearded guy and not Angelina Jolie, Heather Graham, or at least a handful of The Laker Girls?
Why can't you lazy people put him on milk cartons and stuff just like anyone else, rather than bothering me about it constantly? Is this Blog titled "Long-Haired Hippie-Type Missing Persons Bureau"? No!!! You people need some kind of better way to spend your time, and maybe some organization and good leadership ... have you ever considered turning to religion or something?
... And have you looked in Las Vegas? If I hadda deal with some of you screwballs, I'd be laying low in someplace like Las Vegas ...
Friday
The Awful Truth
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Well, I guess at this point I gotta do one of those rare "Personal Revelations".
Truth be told, I was born and raised Catholic. But soon it came out that I was a rich, white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant straight male; everyone else hated me already so there was just no point in pig- piling on further.
I spent time in Catholic school developing my God-given literary gifts, writing Haikus like:
"I once stabbed a kid
in algebra class.
He tried to add two radicals
that didn't share the same index.
What an asshole."
Turns out those fucking algebra pussies thought I was better suited for Geometry. But while the Geometry kid next to me prayed for World Peace, I prayed Angelina Jolie would break into Homeroom and try to assassinate me via busted pelvis.
World Peace. Hah! How boring. That kid's going to Hell.
... As for all you f**ks predicting "The End of the World" because of Iraq, New Orleans, and the return of Cathy Lee Gifford, I've got a little rule you might want to pay attention to:
NEVER PREDICT THE END OF THE WORLD
... If you're wrong, you look like a moron. And if you're right, who gives a shit? It's the end of the goddamn world, you asshole!
[LOBO]
Well, I guess at this point I gotta do one of those rare "Personal Revelations".
Truth be told, I was born and raised Catholic. But soon it came out that I was a rich, white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant straight male; everyone else hated me already so there was just no point in pig- piling on further.
I spent time in Catholic school developing my God-given literary gifts, writing Haikus like:
"I once stabbed a kid
in algebra class.
He tried to add two radicals
that didn't share the same index.
What an asshole."
Turns out those fucking algebra pussies thought I was better suited for Geometry. But while the Geometry kid next to me prayed for World Peace, I prayed Angelina Jolie would break into Homeroom and try to assassinate me via busted pelvis.
World Peace. Hah! How boring. That kid's going to Hell.
... As for all you f**ks predicting "The End of the World" because of Iraq, New Orleans, and the return of Cathy Lee Gifford, I've got a little rule you might want to pay attention to:
... If you're wrong, you look like a moron. And if you're right, who gives a shit? It's the end of the goddamn world, you asshole!
Maturity
Predator Press
[LOBO]
What do I want to do when I grow up?
Well, I'd like to be fabulously wealthy and famous, get invited to the Playboy Mansion where I catch an unpronounceable STD and die in obscurity.
Either that or be an astronaut.
[LOBO]
What do I want to do when I grow up?
Well, I'd like to be fabulously wealthy and famous, get invited to the Playboy Mansion where I catch an unpronounceable STD and die in obscurity.
Either that or be an astronaut.
N.R.A. people are DUMB
Predator Press
[LOBO]
Who needs a gun? Egadz this "Tazer" thing is a BLAST ... a guy broke into my house today and zzzzt!!! ... zzzt ..... ZZZZZZT!!!!!
Hell, I even recharged the battery so I could "Zzzt" him for a few more hours.
I would stop, but the instructions for this little electric gem claim EXPLICITLY that "the device will incapacitate virtually any assailant" ...
... this son-of-a-bitch keeps twitching ... !
[LOBO]
Who needs a gun? Egadz this "Tazer" thing is a BLAST ... a guy broke into my house today and zzzzt!!! ... zzzt ..... ZZZZZZT!!!!!
Hell, I even recharged the battery so I could "Zzzt" him for a few more hours.
I would stop, but the instructions for this little electric gem claim EXPLICITLY that "the device will incapacitate virtually any assailant" ...
... this son-of-a-bitch keeps twitching ... !
Tuesday
"DASH CUNNING IS NOT AMUSED ..."
Predator Press
[DASH]
DASH CUNNING IS NOT AMUSED BY YOUR DEGENERATE MUSINGS AND FOUL LANGUAGE.
IN FACT, DASH IS NOT AMUSED BY THE MONKEY BARS AND SWING SETS HE WAS PLAYING ON THE FIRST TIME HE HEARD THOSE TYPES OF HEAD-ACHING RAMBLINGS.
AND WHILE DASH IS STILL AMUSED BY THE HORSIES AND SLIDES AND MAYBE THE WOODEN WHEEL THING WITH THE HANDLES THAT SPINS REALLY FAST --BECAUSE IT MAKES DASH FEEL SOMEHOW STRANGELY EXHILARATED, FEARFUL AND NAUSEUS AT THE SAME TIME-- HE'S STILL NOT AMUSED BY MONKEY BARS, SWING SETS, OR HEAD-ACHING RAMBLINGS.
MAYBE THAT IS WHY DASH IS IN CHARGE OF ZANE DISTRIBUTION CENTER AND THIS BLOG IS FULL OF COMPLAINING PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT IN CHARGE OF ZANE DISTRIBUTION CENTER.
IF YOU FOCUSSED ALL THAT COMPLAINING ENERGY ON DOING SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT WITH YOUR LIVES, MAYBE YOU WOULD BE SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT.
[DASH]
DASH CUNNING IS NOT AMUSED BY YOUR DEGENERATE MUSINGS AND FOUL LANGUAGE.
IN FACT, DASH IS NOT AMUSED BY THE MONKEY BARS AND SWING SETS HE WAS PLAYING ON THE FIRST TIME HE HEARD THOSE TYPES OF HEAD-ACHING RAMBLINGS.
AND WHILE DASH IS STILL AMUSED BY THE HORSIES AND SLIDES AND MAYBE THE WOODEN WHEEL THING WITH THE HANDLES THAT SPINS REALLY FAST --BECAUSE IT MAKES DASH FEEL SOMEHOW STRANGELY EXHILARATED, FEARFUL AND NAUSEUS AT THE SAME TIME-- HE'S STILL NOT AMUSED BY MONKEY BARS, SWING SETS, OR HEAD-ACHING RAMBLINGS.
MAYBE THAT IS WHY DASH IS IN CHARGE OF ZANE DISTRIBUTION CENTER AND THIS BLOG IS FULL OF COMPLAINING PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT IN CHARGE OF ZANE DISTRIBUTION CENTER.
IF YOU FOCUSSED ALL THAT COMPLAINING ENERGY ON DOING SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT WITH YOUR LIVES, MAYBE YOU WOULD BE SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT.
Wednesday
"What the Hell ... ?"
Predator Press
[By LOBO]
What the hell is "YELLOW 5"?
I found it listed amongst 50 other completely unpronounceable and dubious ingredients in Mountain Dew.
Fine.
... But I just found YELLOW 5 as an ingredient in my "Liquid Dial", And Liquid Dial doesn't taste nearly as good.
I find this rather distressing.
Also:
I just heard about a curious lawsuit. It seems the UNCF has concerns over the number of suspensions issued for African American students in comparison to white students. But the story also points out that Asian-American suspensions are like under 1% of the total!
Well, if that's true, then is this isn't a white versus black conspiracy: it's an Asian vesus everybody else conspiracy, right?
I tried to expose this scandal by using stupid "facts" and stuff by doing tedious "research".
Having studied the suspension rates of Asian students actually in Asia for an hour or so, I'm probably now the leading authority on it in the U.S. (Is Bush hiring consultants?) so take my word for it, I found out something rather startling.
Asian college suspensions are actually 91.6% Asian!
[... I have a headache ... ]
[By LOBO]
What the hell is "YELLOW 5"?
I found it listed amongst 50 other completely unpronounceable and dubious ingredients in Mountain Dew.
Fine.
... But I just found YELLOW 5 as an ingredient in my "Liquid Dial", And Liquid Dial doesn't taste nearly as good.
I find this rather distressing.
Also:
I just heard about a curious lawsuit. It seems the UNCF has concerns over the number of suspensions issued for African American students in comparison to white students. But the story also points out that Asian-American suspensions are like under 1% of the total!
Well, if that's true, then is this isn't a white versus black conspiracy: it's an Asian vesus everybody else conspiracy, right?
I tried to expose this scandal by using stupid "facts" and stuff by doing tedious "research".
Having studied the suspension rates of Asian students actually in Asia for an hour or so, I'm probably now the leading authority on it in the U.S. (Is Bush hiring consultants?) so take my word for it, I found out something rather startling.
Asian college suspensions are actually 91.6% Asian!
[... I have a headache ... ]
"To The Guy Who ..."
Predator Press
[By LOBO]
To the guy who posted the comment:
[By LOBO]
To the guy who posted the comment:
"What are you some kind of pansy communist. Use your toes if you have too you worthless piece of cow dung. You make me sick, you namby pamby little son of a bitches. I can't shoot because a zombie ate both my arms, then stick your stump in his eye, quite sitting there you little panty waste. The best part of you probably ran down your momma's ass. You make me sick.
# posted by Anonymous : 5:46 AM"
... I was just wondering if you wanted a job.
... God, you would fit right in here ...
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