Predator Press Declares Self “Official Website of Atlantis”

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Well why not? We’re just as qualified as any of those other jerks. Predator Press has as long a history of not proving things as anyone: I’ve been questioning the Legend of Bigfoot, the female orgasm, and the existence of Canada since this blog's virtual inception.

Cryptic, vague references to the lost city of Atlantis go back dozens of years -before many of us were even born. For instance the philosopher Plato -most famous for killing Socrates by bashin him upside the head with a hemlock- waxed on and on and on about it. But like everyone else in history Plato is now dead too, and as a consequence of not getting himself on television we no longer have any records of his teachings, nor any idea what he was talking about.

There's a lot of possibilties if you think about it. It might have been Plato's crafty way to trick Diogenes into taking a bath every once in a while. "Here," Plato might say to Diogenes. "Take this bar of soap as an offering, and they might let you drive a flying car!" Or maybe Plato was just really, really drunk.

Many scientists concur that Atlantis is now in Las Vegas masquerading as a casino -but many scientists also do not agree with this too: this all remains to be decided by careful application of something called the “Scientific Method.” While not familiar with said “Scientific Method” per se, I’m almost certainly going to Pay-Per-View the event; how often do you see guys in lab coats beating each other with tire irons and gigantic robots in pursuit of The Truth?*

Man, science is cool.

In conclusion, I submit that nobody has provided more proof of the existence of Atlantis than we have in this post -thus Predator Press is most deserving of the coveted “Official Website of Atlantis” title.

Eh, plus whatever royalties and recognition that should come with this mammoth and expensive undertaking.


*It seems only fair to warn you, Predator Press scienticians have had a giant robot -well suited for obliterating other so-called “theories” in a spray of blood and bone- in production since 2008.

It even has cup holders now.


Comments

Atlantis has choice hydroponic. Um, well, you know, that's what I heard.
Stephanie Barr said…
Dark side of the moon. That's where it is. We'd best get a space program to go up there. They have killer scones.
Anonymous said…
Sweet. I thought it was in Jersey, though. The last time I was passing through Atlantis City, it looked like ruins. As for Plato, sounds like he was from Jersey, too. In addition to waxing on and on, apparently he waxed Socrates, too.
Bunk Strutts said…
Been there. Way too much pressure.
Ian said…
You're too late! I found Atlantis six years ago - for real. (And of course, wrote a rip-snortin' book about it.)You are living on an alien planet, the real Earth was destroyed 11,000 years ago. If you are interested, visit the website:
http://www.strategicbookpublishing.com/TheLostEra.html
See ya there
Ian Marsden
Anonymous said…
"Predator Press has as long a history of not proving things as anyone: I’ve been questioning the Legend of Bigfoot, the female orgasm, and the existence of Canada virtually since this blog's inception."

You lost credibility when you mention the existence of Canada.
Canada? i thought that was just an old wives tale...
Anonymous said…
"Canada? i thought that was just an old wives tale..."
Legend has it that the land of Canada is where Big Foot lives.
Nooter said…
ive heard atlantis is now overrun by ferel catfish. such a shame...
Rofl Stuffz said…
LOL! Ridiculously funny.
- Rofl Stuffz
LOBO said…
DG: Haha! Remember that scene in Apocalypse Now when the guys are blowin weed in Vietnam? I always laughed at that. I mean the stuff [reputedly] makes you paranoid anyway. To do it in Vietnam!?! Jeez I probly would've surrendered and just started telling military secrets. ("Hey Charlie. Do you feel boxed in? Paranoid .. ?")

Stephanie: I'm sure those scones are good. Still, how do you avoid the zombie pirate astronauts? Trust me, zombie pirate astronauts are the worst: one day you’re eatin a scone, ‘an the next, FOOM, you’re enslaved in a labor camp on Alpha Centauri makin’ tiny little fitted spacesuits for evil pirate zombie parrots.

Let me tell you, o loyal reader: makin’ evil pirate zombie parrot space booties ain’t no picnic.

-They got these teeny little buckles and a double inseam.

Jamie: The whole Jersey thing is part of the coverup to hide it's true location.

I checked it out: the one there is made of plastic and fiberglass.

Bunk Strutts: "Pressure" is my middle name.

-Okay, no it isn't. I get stressed out when I lie like that.

Ian: Can you do Canada now?

lotgk: I knew taxes on importing all that bacon was a pile of !#^@. I'm going to order my pizzas with American bacon from now on.

It is, after all, my patriotic duty to settle for stuff that's half as good.

-Well that's what Dick Cheney tells me everytime we go quail hunting anyway.

MegaMan: Well, I met up with the old husband. He claims that chick has no idea what she's talking about.

He says she snores, too.

lotgk: Maybe BF took advantage of their legendary "Universal Health Care" and got a foot reduction.

Heck, he could be holed up right under our noses as a roadie for the Grateful Dead!

Nooter: Well, it's a decent bet it'll have a Starbucks too. But how many cinnabons could one eat before going completely insane?

One can only hope DG is right about the hydroponics.

Rolf: Please do not mock my documentary work ... I've already submitted this on DVD to the History Channel.

(At least I think I did. I can't find the one on Screechy's birthday anyplace)
Mike said…
Atlantis- isn't that where Spongebob Squarepants lives?
Anonymous said…
"lotgk: I knew taxes on importing all that bacon was a pile of !#^@. I'm going to order my pizzas with American bacon from now on."

Sadly, it's imported from Mexico.
Jackie said…
I've been there I am sure of it. but, you must be prepared and never ever forget your tin foil!!
LOBO said…
lotgk: Those clever bastards!

Shinade: I use "Foil of Ole" shampoo now ... it leaves little reflective shards in my scalp.

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