An That's How I Found Out I'm Jewish
Predator Press [LOBO]
“… and as a consequence,” Terri concludes, shutting her Bible, “The Jews are God’s Chosen People.”
Slowly coming out of a trance of binge writing, I pause on that random thought.
“I didn’t know I was Jewish,” I interject.
It’s the first thing I’ve said in forty minutes or so, and Terri, Screechy and Shiftless turn and stare at me blankly.
“What do you mean?” asks Terri cautiously. "We're not Jewish."
“Well I don’t want to brag, but if God has a 'Chosen People,'” I gesture to myself. “I’m clearly it. Ergo I’m Jewish, right?”
Screechy, six years old, rolls his eyes for the first time.
I’m so proud.
Sensing a religious discussion, Shiftless fidgets uncomfortably.
“Don’t mock religion,” Terri scowls. “It’s not funny.”
“Mock religion?” I defend. “I love religion. Heck, the two hours of church you guys go to on Sunday is the most peaceful this house is all week. Stop oppressing my people.”
“You’re going to start going to church too,” she insists.
“Then how will I know when my NFL teams need prayers?”
Terri shakes her head. “God doesn’t meddle with football games.”“Yeah well maybe not with the Bears' anyway,” I concede.
“God is busy. He orchestrates the cosmos. He feeds the animals.”
“God feeds the animals the other animals,” I point out wandering to the kitchen. “Today is Friday, right?”
“Yes.”
Disappointedly, I gape into the refrigerator.
“Is KFC kosher?”
Comments
But yeah verily, the people never suspected the chosen vessel of divine judgment: The Roving Continent of Australia."
Brent: haha! You are one of my fave bloggers, and I know you're really religious. I always try to parse stuff thinking "Would this upset my pal Diggs?"
PS: Doc's site is linked. I think it's great. But I think he should lie and go "Certified Waterboarding Instructor."
-'Specialists' and 'consultants' are usually euphemisms for "Unemployed."
Reforming Geek: You mean we ski too?
-Crap somebody shoulda told me about this sooner!
DG: haha ... I've been sitting on a draft post for about six months involving circumcisions (or a lack thereof) -all with the slant "So you think you found the perfect guy, huh?"
I dunno ... I try and keep a "PG" decorum. That'll be a tough storyline to work in ...
Pandemonium! Dogs 'an cats sleeping together!