NASA is Dumb
Predator Press
[LOBO]
As I see it, the biggest economic quagmire in the United States is all the money we are paying those so-called "engineers" at NASA.
I’ve been arguing that the Space Shuttle should be retired for years already … I wouldn't scrounge that thing for parts. Forget the last recorded oil change, I don’t think they even wash the thing anymore.
Like the El Camino, there comes a time for all vehicles when we stop hammerin out the dings, prop them up on cinderblocks, and leave them retired in the trailer park with dignity.So to me, the news that NASA was developing the next generation of spacecraft couldn’t have been more welcome.
The mind reels in the technological possibilities:
Now brace yourselves for what the dynamic and sexy NASA nerds picked.
Ready?
-I haven't been this excited about science since we discovered a whole new strain of mold.
Those NASA rubes are probably pulling down like $9 or $10 an hour ... and this is what we get? Oh holy crap. This isn't cutting-edge stuff. I've seen it before in the 60s -'cept back then they called it "Gemini."
What is NASA trying to do ... embarrass us on a galactic scale? It doesn't even have a lousy death ray. Not one! Can we at least get the guys from American Chopper to glue some fake ones on? And who signed off on this paint scheme? Can't we get some flames down the side, or maybe a chick riding a panther put on it somewhere?
As it stands, this laughable design would only encourage a hoard of would-be space overlords.
And speaking of would-be space overlords, how many hundreds of our tax dollars are spent every year without those lazy SETI pricks finding anybody for us to have wars with? We all know aliens out there, smugly and hiding behind a phony shroud of blissful tranquility and plotting the violent demise of the Human Race in secrecy -we have to find them and kick their space asses first!But if SETI doesn't find anything, don't you think they it's incumbent upon them to make some stuff up every once in a while? They’re probably bored, starin at a blank cosmic answering machine all day and night like some heartbroken teenager anyway; life still hopeful and dreams yet uncrushed, isn't maybe stirring up a little drama the least they can do?
Consider it a drill ... a drill to encounter intelligent aliens and bring the galaxy "Freedom." After all, the ability to exterminate an entire military, occupy their respective distant home worlds, and make the survivors do forced labor doesn't come easy -and we're running out of terrestrial stuff to practice "Freedom" on.In conclusion, SETI shouldn't get another dime until we see at least a ten-page outline on a vaible and sinister celestial threat.
-And not some M Night Shamma-lamma-ding-dong bullshit either: this thing better be every inch Spielberg.
As for NASA? The way I see it, ruling the primitive war-like inhabitants of the galaxy under Enlightened, iron-fisted human Benevolence and Wisdom is our sacred intergalactic duty, and not taking the initiative here will most assuredly invite cosmic despotic tyranny.
Comments
This was a very funny and well written post.
By the way, the reason they stopped washing the spaceshuttle is every time they ran the damn thing through the shuttle wash, heat proof tiles would go flying off like ninja stars and decapitate the dudes with the rags waiting to dry it off.
Your criticism would all be well and good, but engineers aren't the one making the decisions at NASA any more (and haven't been since Von Braun). Not because engineers aren't around (even great ones) but because they aren't the ones writing checks. The same "adults" who can't sit through a speech as politely as kindergarteners shape our space future, are the ones that decide - and they are influenced (if not driven) by making sure contractors and centers in their little neck of the woods don't lose jobs.
The Apollo spacecraft worked and that's why not just NASA, but the Chinese are emulating it. But you're not wrong in saying that our forward momentum, our groundbreaking and innovative capabilities aren't what they used to be. We're out of practice designing spacecraft from the ground up.
But spare me the space vehicle screen shots. I can't watch those movies without cringing. If real spacecraft flew like those, inhabitants would punch through the hulls as they changed direction (and I don't even want to think about the prop wasted with those types of maneuvers).
Plus, what do you need a death ray for? We're going to the MOON. It's already dead.
My e-mail correspondent who lives on your planet has requested me to respond to your post.
Our scientitsts here on the planet Lagga have indeed become quite disenchanted in the lack progress by your species in the area of space exploration in recent years. Your race was doing so well beck in Earth years 1960-69. Your President Kennedy issued a challenge to rewch your satellite in ten of your years, and you met the challenge. After that, things kind of fell apart. We were fully expecing that, at the rate of progress that you had achieved during that time, that our two species would have been having a keg party on Alpha Centauri well before now.
As far as your SETI organization, we have received their transmissions, but our communication monitoring programs have routinely filtered them into our spam queue, after which they are deleted after seven of our days.
BTW, on our planet we have seven-day weeks, too, but our weekends last five days. You Earth People should really get with the program and stop working so hard. Your lives are so much shorter than ours; you should relax and enjoy it.
Regards,
Wanna Chuggah Brooski
DG: When I was a kid, a guy came to our school and demonstrated the tiles by taking a blowtorch to one of them. It was really impressive.
We still didn't have milk cartons you could open from both sides, but we could start landing crap on the Sun.
Nice.
Stephanie: I actually agree. I was watching a special explaining the seemingly retrograde design, as it was already the most well-tested model. Factor that in with better, lighter materials and computers replacing the instument panels, et cetera, and they expect the thing to seat six.
Still, those capsules are tiny. Chewbacca is going to be pissed.
Nooter: JarJar or no-no, I want my own AT-AT. I love the idea of arriving late to work in one and thinking, "You know I could just .... "
Unfinished Rambler: It is a letdown somehow, isn't it? I mean hey, black holes and blah blah are really cool, but until we can get to Mars in less than a few months we're pretty much stuck here. Worse, if they invented something today it wouldn't be in practical application in our lifetime.
But like Ethan used to say, "The second a decent holodeck is invented, that's the end of the human race. Period."
Mike aka WCB: I am honored to be the first Earthling to engage in contact with species from outer space, and I will do my best to dignify this momentous and historical opportunity.
So, uh, do you guys have pizza up there?
Danny: I linked you guys a few weeks ago, but I’ve been struggling to keep up with “real life” lately and I’m not current. I’ll be back …