Predator Press Declares War on Australia!
Predator Press
[LOBO]
EVERYBODY knows how America got started: in 1776 a bunch of us hated soccer so much we loaded up the Nina, the Pinto, and the Santa Fe, and left the oppressive British monarchy forever. We’ve been freely oppressing ourselves ever since.
But what about Australia? Hm? Heck, we left Britain voluntarily … those people were kicked out!
The reason this comes up now is because it’s a matter of National Security: I recently caught Australia skulking up and down the West Coast. It wasn’t doing anything particularly suspicious -in fact at first I thought it was Kirstie Alley; it just rented a boogieboard and tooled about in the surf. But in retrospect I’m almost sure it knew I was "on" to it, and it was trying to look nonchalant.
Exactly why Australia has been sneaking around isn’t quite yet clear, but it has a long history of subtly messing with us with acts such as the “Coriolis Effect”; the Coriolis Effect -first proposed by famous mobster Don Coriolis- suggests that Australians often amuse themselves by flushing their toilets the same moment we do, thusly causing ours to back up.
But now the Aussies have become so brazen they are patrolling well inside our oceanic borders in broad daylight; if you listen closely and the wind is right, you can hear the war didgeridoos blowing in the distance. How long until Australia comes straight up the Mississippi and parks itself near St Louis? Inside agents such as Russell Crowe and Mel Gibson could just wave their arms wildly an yell “Hey! Over here! Lookit my new movie!” and pow, we got Yahoo Serious in the White House.
One only has to see a few photos of the well-decimated and uninhabitable Australian landscape to realize that St Louis, nay, America doesn't deserve a similar fate: an Australian invasion deeply offends my national sensibilities, and I won’t take the inevitable sneak attack lying down.
Unless of course it occurs during my nap.
-In which case I would hope they do it quietly.
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[LOBO]EVERYBODY knows how America got started: in 1776 a bunch of us hated soccer so much we loaded up the Nina, the Pinto, and the Santa Fe, and left the oppressive British monarchy forever. We’ve been freely oppressing ourselves ever since.
But what about Australia? Hm? Heck, we left Britain voluntarily … those people were kicked out!
The reason this comes up now is because it’s a matter of National Security: I recently caught Australia skulking up and down the West Coast. It wasn’t doing anything particularly suspicious -in fact at first I thought it was Kirstie Alley; it just rented a boogieboard and tooled about in the surf. But in retrospect I’m almost sure it knew I was "on" to it, and it was trying to look nonchalant.
Exactly why Australia has been sneaking around isn’t quite yet clear, but it has a long history of subtly messing with us with acts such as the “Coriolis Effect”; the Coriolis Effect -first proposed by famous mobster Don Coriolis- suggests that Australians often amuse themselves by flushing their toilets the same moment we do, thusly causing ours to back up.But now the Aussies have become so brazen they are patrolling well inside our oceanic borders in broad daylight; if you listen closely and the wind is right, you can hear the war didgeridoos blowing in the distance. How long until Australia comes straight up the Mississippi and parks itself near St Louis? Inside agents such as Russell Crowe and Mel Gibson could just wave their arms wildly an yell “Hey! Over here! Lookit my new movie!” and pow, we got Yahoo Serious in the White House.
One only has to see a few photos of the well-decimated and uninhabitable Australian landscape to realize that St Louis, nay, America doesn't deserve a similar fate: an Australian invasion deeply offends my national sensibilities, and I won’t take the inevitable sneak attack lying down.Unless of course it occurs during my nap.
-In which case I would hope they do it quietly.
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Comments
… If you listen real close, you might catch the sound of Stephanie B smacking her forehead.
I'm not a bit surprised. After all, they have universal healthcare and they're hoping to infect us with that socialist evil that means no one is bankrupt with healthcare bills ever again.
You tell him, Lobo, in this country, we don't take the bread and butter from the mouths of lawyers when there's still someone we can sue.
There, that comment made as much sense as your post.
:P
Quickly ready the kangaroos - we must attack now!
Stephanie B: If it makes you feel any better, it was a toss up between "slaps forehead" and "head explodes." :)
DG: I don't care what bands you kids are listening to nowadays, we're keepin him.
-But lemme tell you the story of a good musician from my day: a talented lad named David Lee Roth ...
Jamie: That's a pretty good upside. We surrender.
(Does "Castlemaine" really come from you guys? I loved that beer in Hawaii. I like pale beers more than lagers.)
World of Illusion: Yeah well "haha" ... I just found out roos grow to maybe 6'6". Looks like you'll be visiting me; our roos are only 36".
-We call them "rats".
Alex: Uh huh. Leave those devils at home. 'Cuz we got Jesus.
(And RoboJesus if necessary)
Now we can start blaming them for the mess we're in. It's nice to find another scape-kangaroo.
(ouch, that was bad!!)
Fun post!
Bring Back Pluto
"ONE of THE GUYS"
This is one of the best posts of all times. Those Aussie bastards will never take me dead!
On the bright side, think how good the surfing will be in St. Louis!
-But when is the last CNN update you saw on the Great Zombie Omnocracy? Hm?
Nooter: If you really want to freak them out, try a bowling ball.
Random Big Lebowski Quote: "Obviously, you're not a golfer."
(God I love that movie.)
MegaMan: Shhh! The plumbers are in on it, man! Did you know Crocodile Dundee was originally about a plumber?
It was called "Crocodile Plumber." But they got into legal hassles with Steve Irwin.
BBT: I really had a good time with this one. That last one -the "Dissonance" one- was a !@^&% nightmare for some reason. This one was almost refreshing somehow.
I'm glad you liked it though. It's hard to read sometimes: I'll slap together something I think is really funny and it just falls flat. This one had a pretty respectable response. Plus nobody from Australia took it seriously. Mission accomplished.
Mike: Thanks! But statistically it's like the 100 monkeys with a typewriters doin' Shakespeare thing ... :)
Stickman: For a five year old blog and a blogger that has seen a lot of really funny stuff, that's the ULTIMATE compliment. Wow! Thank you!!! I'm blushing.
(Poor Terri. I'm going to be absolutely intolerable now.)