Floor 33
The Discreet Charm of the Middle Class
[Alex L.]
“Hello... hello... hello” I can remember saying, or asking, I'm not sure which, an elevator door opens and the entire room in front of you is black you're not really remembering the grammatical inflection you put on things.
“Hello... is any body here?” I asked, I remember that one. Stepping out into the blackened room, my eyes slowly adjusted to the blackness, all the lights were off but I could barely make out the cubicle in the distance. Behind me the door dinged and closed shut the elevator pulling away.
“Oh god” I murmured starting to get a little scared. It wasn't every day you get told to deliver some mail to the 33rd floor.
“I have some mail... I'm just going to leave it on the table over here” I peeped moving to the table and dropping the large orange envelope, I stepped back to the elevator door and pushed the green up arrow. I looked back at the envelope for a second. In the corner of my eye I noticed the light above the cubicle flicker on. The light buzzed and spluttered into life, under it I could make out the top of his head.
I pushed the button again, this time harder.
“Whose that?” The voice said from inside his tiny three and a half walls.
I couldn't push that arrow any harder unless I was attacking it with a bat.
“Umm, its me the mail boy...” I said slowly turning back to the cubicle.
“I have a mail?” He said again from within his composite board fortress. The one light on the roof illuminating just that. I could see the top of his head shining.
“Please, bring hence forth the mail of mine” he said loudly, after that he began murmuring under his breath, his arms flailing about in the air every now and then.
“O....k... “ this was more than slightly unnerving, I walked forward the ground beneath me crunched for some reason but I wasn't looking down, that seemed like a mistake.
“Be careful in sector 6a...” He said from within his domain.
“Why” I almost squealed searching around me for some sort of sign post to tell where I was.
“Radiation” He said casually.
“Radiation?” That time I actually did squeal.
“What from?” I asked not wanting to know the answer.
“From the monkeys” He replied.
“Monkeys!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, the spider ones are the worst... oh that and the Nesmith... You hear that you hat wearing bastard” He said standing up and screaming the last part, shaking his fist furious at the darkness.
“Screw you to jackass” Came a scream from the darkness followed by some quiet monkey cooing. I stared out into the blackness, it could have come from anywhere the darkness seemed to stretch out for miles in all directions. I looked back at him standing up now still shaking his fist at seemingly nothing. He was still doing it when I wandered over to him.
“Um, here is your mail Mr...” I said before being cut off.
“I'm not finished yet” He said still shaking his fist. I looked blankly at him, and he wasn't he still had a good few minutes of that shake left. And there he was, and that was why his head was shining. The horns were a nice touch, but a Viking helmet made from tin foil can't have provided that much protection.
Submission and Rules
Schedule
[Alex L.]“Hello... hello... hello” I can remember saying, or asking, I'm not sure which, an elevator door opens and the entire room in front of you is black you're not really remembering the grammatical inflection you put on things.
“Hello... is any body here?” I asked, I remember that one. Stepping out into the blackened room, my eyes slowly adjusted to the blackness, all the lights were off but I could barely make out the cubicle in the distance. Behind me the door dinged and closed shut the elevator pulling away.
“Oh god” I murmured starting to get a little scared. It wasn't every day you get told to deliver some mail to the 33rd floor.
“I have some mail... I'm just going to leave it on the table over here” I peeped moving to the table and dropping the large orange envelope, I stepped back to the elevator door and pushed the green up arrow. I looked back at the envelope for a second. In the corner of my eye I noticed the light above the cubicle flicker on. The light buzzed and spluttered into life, under it I could make out the top of his head.
I pushed the button again, this time harder.
“Whose that?” The voice said from inside his tiny three and a half walls.
I couldn't push that arrow any harder unless I was attacking it with a bat.
“Umm, its me the mail boy...” I said slowly turning back to the cubicle.“I have a mail?” He said again from within his composite board fortress. The one light on the roof illuminating just that. I could see the top of his head shining.
“Please, bring hence forth the mail of mine” he said loudly, after that he began murmuring under his breath, his arms flailing about in the air every now and then.
“O....k... “ this was more than slightly unnerving, I walked forward the ground beneath me crunched for some reason but I wasn't looking down, that seemed like a mistake.
“Be careful in sector 6a...” He said from within his domain.
“Why” I almost squealed searching around me for some sort of sign post to tell where I was.
“Radiation” He said casually.
“Radiation?” That time I actually did squeal.
“What from?” I asked not wanting to know the answer.
“From the monkeys” He replied.
“Monkeys!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, the spider ones are the worst... oh that and the Nesmith... You hear that you hat wearing bastard” He said standing up and screaming the last part, shaking his fist furious at the darkness.“Screw you to jackass” Came a scream from the darkness followed by some quiet monkey cooing. I stared out into the blackness, it could have come from anywhere the darkness seemed to stretch out for miles in all directions. I looked back at him standing up now still shaking his fist at seemingly nothing. He was still doing it when I wandered over to him.
“Um, here is your mail Mr...” I said before being cut off.
“I'm not finished yet” He said still shaking his fist. I looked blankly at him, and he wasn't he still had a good few minutes of that shake left. And there he was, and that was why his head was shining. The horns were a nice touch, but a Viking helmet made from tin foil can't have provided that much protection.
Schedule
Comments
He’s Australian, but I like him anyway.
Thanks Alex!
But it was nice to do a guest post!
LOL...great story Alex!!
Was there any discernible difference in traffic for you? (If no, please lie to encourage others: I have virtually all of September open.)
Nooter: I agree: the Mailman is underestimated.
But perhaps misunderstood too? The only mailmen of cinema are the guy from Seinfeld and Kevin Costner. And wouldn't Newman have been better in "The Postman" anyway?
-I'm not 100% on "Waterworld" though. Two hours of those hairy moobs woulda crashed the entire popcorn economy nationwide.
Shinade: Yup. He one-upped me with the tin foil Viking hat too!
(Does that work better? Really? Hmmm ... )