A Good, Dead Hittite

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Just so there are no surprises -because it turns out I might actually need this Vice Presidential gig- while not attempting to defraud the Federal Government for Unemployment Benefits, I'm also a full-time vehement and unrepentant racist.

I'll bet you never would have guessed, but there it is.

I hate Hittites.

I hate them with a purple, venomous passion.

See, the Hittite kingdom is conventionally divided into three periods: the Old Hittite Kingdom (ca. 1750-1500 BC), the Middle Hittite Kingdom (ca. 1500-1430 BC) and the New Hittite Kingdom (the Hittite Empire proper, ca. 1430-1180 BC).

And I freakin hate all three of them.

I mean they are dead.

-How great can you all be if you're all dead?

Hm?

I can, say, go make a pot of coffee. Would you magnificent Hittites like a cup of coffee? No? Oh, you're all dead you say?

Well, HA HA.

More coffee for me.

We all know intuitively that red is bad, right? Well, just look at this satellite photo: see how bad these people are? I mean that is concentrated fucking evil.

I hope the Sumerians kick the crap out of them!

Indo-Hittites are pretty cool, but unfortunately everytime I see cuneiform, I just wanna puke 'cuz it reminds me of those lousy scumbag garden-variety Hittites. I'm nauseated I gotta breathe the same air they did!

I can still taste Hittite crawling in this lousy air.

Blech.

They oughta make anti-Hittite Febreze.

Author's Note: This blog does not represent the ideas nor beliefs of the author, nor does it endorse the ill-treatment of the noble Hittite or Hittite descendants.

No Hittites were harmed during the writing of this post.