Ballot Boxing

Predator Press

[LOBO]

“LOBO,” says Don Lewis over the speakerphone. “I’m too chicken to keep running this campaign against you and John Nobody. You guys are far more dynamic, have better ideas, and are flat-out better equipped to run this Great Nation.”

“We’re better looking too,” I point out.

”Yes that is absolutely true.”

“Why don’t you just write a conciliatory speech and put it on your blog?”

"I’m afraid rabid Angry Seafood and Predator Press fans will smell blood and-"

“Don, we never published those pictures.”

”What pictures?”

“You know what I would do Don? I would just forget that MC Hammer roadie thing ever occurred and not bring it up on your blog at all. In fact, don’t even post for a week or two. Take a nice long interlude maybe. In the meantime, John Nobody and I will simply accept your surrender real classy and quiet-like.”

”Thanks LOBO,” says Don.

“No problem,” I says. “I’m just glad you finally came to your senses.”

“Do you guys care if maybe I come out in a few days and act like this surprised me? I could go into a rage and totally claim this conversation never took place. You know, call you guys dirty liars, et cetera.”

I shrug. “I guess not. But that seems a little desperate, don’t you think? And dishonest? I mean this conversation did take place.”

“Yeah well those people will believe anything I tell ‘em,” says Don. "I once implied you were, eh, 'somewhat less than a sexy, sexy genius'. They totally bought it."

“Don," I says indignant. "That’s a terrible way to insult the intelligence of your own constituency!"

Don laughs evilly. “That’s nothing compared to what I woulda done to ‘em if I got elected.”



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