Sin, Sex, and Sunday Night Football

Predator Press

[LOBO]

“Come in!” I says swinging the door open wide. “Good to see you guys!”

“Thanks LOBO,” Jessica says stepping inside. Eric hands me a bottle of wine with a ribbon tied around it. “This is for you and Terri. We heard you two were moving to California.”

“Oooh fancy,” I says, reading the label. “How’ve you been? And where have you been? We haven’t seen you guys in ages.”

“Jessica and I have been going to church a lot,” says Eric.

“Well that explains it then.”

“How come you haven’t been going?” asks Jessica.

“Terri is there now,” I reply. "That counts, right?"

Jessica scowls. “You don’t go?”

“I just went last year, remember? There was a full-on sermon about some guy.” I set the bottle on the table and gesture for them to sit. Easing back in the recliner, I check the Redskins score. “Besides, despite all my prayers God apparently hates my Fantasy Football team. We’re 1-and-2. I’m kinda thinking maybe I should lay low for a while.”

At that exact moment, Terrell Owens nimbly slipped through a thick defense and scored a touchdown.

Subtly wiping back a tear I says, “So what triggered all this new interest in religion?”

Eric’s eyes get a little evasive.

“We were,” Jessica hesitates, “having some marital issues.”

“Really?”

“But we’ve been getting counseling,” says Eric. He smiles at Jessica, and clasps her hand. “It’s been really great for us.”

“I’ll bet,” I concur. “Probably the best thing for you. And I hear it’s a sin if a wife doesn’t submit to her husband’s –eh, desires.”

Jessica goes fire truck red.

Eric squirms. ‘We’ve, uh, learned to come to terms and respect one another.”

“Well it must save you two a lot of foreplay,” I affirm. “Take your pants off bitch, or I’m tellin’ Jesus!”