Outscourging
Predator Press
[Ethan]
CONGRATULATIONS GOOD PEOPLE OF SYKTYVKAR
We are moving our operations, and from millions have selected your wonderful and wholesome community of Proletariat-loving Сыктывка́р.
This was based on your keen industrial prowess, multi-national trade access, long history of tolerance for good-natured ribbing of political figures, outstanding surplus of livestock, complete unpronounceability, absolute gamekilling Scrabble score, and just overall fun-loving nature.
Bravo!
We’re not exactly sure why you are standing in line already. But if it is for jobs, please start cutting down the trees and stacking them neatly on the South Wall. And make sure they are stacked upright behind the smog factory, and to the west of the Starbucks. By all those goats.
For this, you will be rewarded:
* .04% of a Ruble Per Metric Ton of Your Natural Resources
* Democracy
* Freedom
* Leniency from your Future Oppressors
* Tents
* Tasty Water and
* a Free Subscription to Predator Press
plus many coupons from Bed Bath and Beyond!
There's a Cold War on here people, so let's get moving.
Those Capitalist Pig-Dogs could arrive at any second.
"What? Warsaw is in Poland?" I complain to Cobe.
"Yes sir."
"Well crap ... what do I tell all these people on this Press Release?"
[Ethan]
We are moving our operations, and from millions have selected your wonderful and wholesome community of Proletariat-loving Сыктывка́р.
This was based on your keen industrial prowess, multi-national trade access, long history of tolerance for good-natured ribbing of political figures, outstanding surplus of livestock, complete unpronounceability, absolute gamekilling Scrabble score, and just overall fun-loving nature.
Bravo!
We’re not exactly sure why you are standing in line already. But if it is for jobs, please start cutting down the trees and stacking them neatly on the South Wall. And make sure they are stacked upright behind the smog factory, and to the west of the Starbucks. By all those goats.
For this, you will be rewarded:
* .04% of a Ruble Per Metric Ton of Your Natural Resources
* Democracy
* Freedom
* Leniency from your Future Oppressors
* Tents
* Tasty Water and
* a Free Subscription to Predator Press
plus many coupons from Bed Bath and Beyond!
There's a Cold War on here people, so let's get moving.
Those Capitalist Pig-Dogs could arrive at any second.
"What? Warsaw is in Poland?" I complain to Cobe.
"Yes sir."
"Well crap ... what do I tell all these people on this Press Release?"
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