My Unrequited Love is a STUD
Predator Press
[Mr I]
“It’s not impossible,” says RDO. “She’s a prototype. The tiny 'fertile' switch on her back has been fused for weeks, triggering full-blown ovulation. My God man, she could have had hundreds by now simply by osmosis." He pauses thoughtfully. "There must have been some sort of power surge recently that voided her warranty --as well as numerous other implied Extended Service Plans.”
“Get me LOBO on the phone,” says Ethan.
***
“Hey buddy!” says Ethan into the speakerphone. “How is the vacation going?”
“Well to be honest sir, I thought the Bahamas would be a lot warmer,” says the static.
[inaudible]
“What is that rattling sound?” asks Ethan, tapping the speakerphone.
“That would be my spine, sir. Warsaw sucks despite all that bullshit tropical hype.” The voice trails off for a second. “Sir, could you please arrange for me to return quickly? I’m fucking freezing--”
“Sure,” says Ethan, thrilled that everything is so simple. “We need you back for a paternity test anyways.”
“I never met the chick sir,” says the static. “Oh my God I am so cold …”
“It’s Sapphire.”
[pause]
“Sir, this test is coming at a very bad time,” says the disembodied speakerphone. “This place is fantastic, and I’m exploring some amazing career opportunities. Just give me another month or two. Your breaking up quite a bit now. What!?! Sasquach? Oh my GO---!!"
[dial tone]
[Mr I]
“It’s not impossible,” says RDO. “She’s a prototype. The tiny 'fertile' switch on her back has been fused for weeks, triggering full-blown ovulation. My God man, she could have had hundreds by now simply by osmosis." He pauses thoughtfully. "There must have been some sort of power surge recently that voided her warranty --as well as numerous other implied Extended Service Plans.”
“Get me LOBO on the phone,” says Ethan.
“Hey buddy!” says Ethan into the speakerphone. “How is the vacation going?”
“Well to be honest sir, I thought the Bahamas would be a lot warmer,” says the static.
[inaudible]
“What is that rattling sound?” asks Ethan, tapping the speakerphone.
“That would be my spine, sir. Warsaw sucks despite all that bullshit tropical hype.” The voice trails off for a second. “Sir, could you please arrange for me to return quickly? I’m fucking freezing--”
“Sure,” says Ethan, thrilled that everything is so simple. “We need you back for a paternity test anyways.”
“I never met the chick sir,” says the static. “Oh my God I am so cold …”
“It’s Sapphire.”
[pause]
“Sir, this test is coming at a very bad time,” says the disembodied speakerphone. “This place is fantastic, and I’m exploring some amazing career opportunities. Just give me another month or two. Your breaking up quite a bit now. What!?! Sasquach? Oh my GO---!!"
[dial tone]
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