The Ballad of Mr Insanity

Predator Press

[Cobe]

Last April, a thirsty Ethan and LOBO pulled into an Off Track Betting facility.

“So what are we gonna do with Captain Burlap in the trunk?” LOBO says, unfolding his menu.

“Ask him about the odds on the 5th race.”

“Look, he’s not a calculatron,” says LOBO. “He’s a guy that was hanging out in front of a drug store near Oxford University with a broken shoelace.”

“Which obviously makes him a 187 pound mathematical savant.”

“I’m not arguing about his mathematic prowess,” LOBO repeats. “I’m just saying he’s been in our trunk for 16 hours. He’s probably hungry.”

“So get him some French fries.”

“I’m not buying fries for someone that has been trapped in my trunk for 16 hours.”

“Just look at that horse,” says a distracted Ethan, pointing at one of 452 closely-joined monitors. In the bottom right corner, ESPN identified a singular steed as “Mister Insanity” that was smashing the crap out of everything in sight.

Within moments, that horse drove off the gate, kicked the head off his own jockey, crushed the race’s announcer in the skybox, and finally screeched to a halt across the finish line.

Then the race started.

LOBO lost $100.