Amid Privacy Scandal, Facebook Calls Meeting About My Colonoscopy

Predator Press

[LOBO]

I am kidding, of course. I’ve never had a colonoscopy, and couldn’t imagine circumstances where I would submit to one. That’s a one-way thoroughfare as far as I’m concerned.

Plus, I’m somewhat of a gastronomical daredevil: abandon hope all ye who enter. The deep fried bricks of mozzarella, chocolate cake, hot wings and Heinekens would be the least of their problems.

“I told you quacks not to fuck with the tricycle!” I’ll be yelling from inside the new crater. “Now you‘re all dead. Happy now?”

Anwho, on the subject of enemas an so forth, fifteen minutes after chiding Terri for having 10,000 emails I discovered I was worse. I have a “blog” email and a “serious” email, the latter for family, online transactions et cetera. Between the two, I was teetering on the brink of 30,000.

So here’s a tip. If you’re signing up for something that you suspect might generate spam, use an alias. On one email I use “Joe Morgan,” and the other I use “Tracy Chase.” By two simple email searches, I disposed of more than 26,000 efforts to smuggle cash out of Syktyvkar or enlarge my penis. (Joe Morgan is KGB and fiercely loyal to the Kremlin, and I have no idea what Tracy would do with a larger penis anyway.)

Interestingly, the biggest junk mail culprits are online entities I use the least. I check into Facebook maybe four times a year. MyBlogLog and BlogCatalog could be measured in decades. When I do check in, I pretty much add anyone to my communities/friends list that request it.

My point, I suppose, is that the inevitable “lag” isn’t because I’m snooty. I’m just not much of an “online community” guy. I am content here on The Most Fabulous Website in the Universe; Facebook, Twitter, MSNBC, -whatever- would be wise to stop riding the vast Predator Press coattails and stealing our ideas, and focus on the laughable goal of achieving their own unique, unprecedented, all-powerful juggernaut status.

-Like anyone else, you gotta pay your dues, man.

Last among this random internet commentary is a rare movie recommendation (when I say “random,” I don‘t fuck around). I rented a documentary from Redbox the other day that was pretty fantastic.

If Talhotblond doesn’t scare the bejeezus out of you die-hard networkers, nothing will.