If Only Tipping Were A City in China
Road Kill Gumbo
[Mike McHugh]
Don't get me wrong; I firmly believe in taking good care of the people who work very hard to take care of us. I only wish that this system of figuring out the tip weren't so darned complicated. A lot of the time, I don't have a clue. I wouldn't be surprised if they had a graduate level course on subject at M.I.T.
The only time I really have an inkling about this is at a restaurant. 15% of the bill is the commonly accepted guideline. But what if the waiter dyes your new shirt purple with a bottle of wine. What then?
In a bar I'm totally lost. Experience tells me the customary tip for a bartender is a buck no matter what you order. It could be a $2 bottle of bud light, or an entire round for your office mates at happy hour. On one particular occasion I bought a beer for $3.50. I left the two quarters on the bar, and the bartender gave them back to me!
Now I may not know much about tipping, but I don't think it's a good sign when a bartender refuses your gratuity. You'll probably fly through the sobriety checkpoints on your way home that night.
I'm always impressed with the very long memories people seem to have of those who under-tip them. A retired waitress with Alzheimer's who doesn't recognize her own son can probably recall the face of every patron who stiffed her over her long career.Here's a true experience that illustrates this point. Many years ago, during a trip to Nashville, I was at a baseball game with a friend, and we run into an acquaintance of his who swore that he knew me. That seemed quite impossible to me, as I had never been anywhere near the city of Nashville prior to this occasion.
Still, he insisted. "I know you!" he kept repeating. Finally after a minute or so, a light went off in his head. "You're the guy who only tipped me a buck!" he exclaimed.
Yup, turns out he was the bellhop at my hotel. I felt bad; I was young and naive and didn't mean to under-tip him. So, I bought him a beer to make amends, which did seem to smooth things over. The next day, however, when I passed through the lobby, I noticed him sitting there amongst a mountain of suitcases, holding onto his head, obviously hung over. My luck, he was probably a recovering alcoholic, and that one beer tossed him off the wagon.
So I wonder, how exactly do you figure the tip when there's no up front charge to base it on? Theoretically, even ten cents is infinity percent. Do you give an airport baggage handler a fixed amount per bag? That can't be right. A brick salesman's sample bag would merit the same tip as a guy peddling cotton swabs.There is one thing for sure in this situation; a baggage handler is the last person you want to under-tip. After all, his job is not done yet. If your tip was too light, you will know it when you reach your destination, only to find contents of your suitcase appearing on the carousel one item at a time.
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While things for me should return to “normal” in a day or two (aka new posts and getting caught up on comments), I like to keep the idea of having a new featured author every Sunday. If you want to publish a post on Predator Press, please click on the links included at the bottom of this post.
Regarding the photos, I'm a notorious Google image-stealer. I figure if it's up on two or three other sites it's fair game -plus this blog doesn't make a dime and is still sort of a "small fry." Once it gets a little more momentum I'll have to be more careful.
But I do appreciate the thanks -most of the Photoshopping I do is deliberately crude-looking and takes like two minutes. But that teeny little touchup on Isaac's hands? Yeesh it was a real !&@! I wouldn't mind working that hard on something if it would come out nicely.
Anywho, great post. I hope you and Stephanie let me know if this gets you any additional traffic -you two were the first guest posters here and I don't really have a "frame of reference." If it works well, other people will be encouraged to submit as well.
-But I think it'll catch on ... my wife is even thinking about doing one.
Julehya: So wait -lemme get this straight. Tipping for good service is good, but tipping for bad service is unnecessary?
I am frankly stunned at this idea's simplicity.
(Lemme get my notebook)
Ha! Those guys at the Jack in the Box Drive Thru are fucked ... !
"Ha! Those guys at the Jack in the Box Drive Thru are fucked ... !"
Don't fuck with those guys, you never know when they will apply their own blend of "Secret Sauce" to your hamburger.
Second, as my mother-in-law is a waitress, I've always been taught by my wife to tip at least 20 percent and that's what I do, almost regardless what. Once in a while, if it's really bad service, I won't, but everybody has a bad day.
i also go by the service i receive. if it's good the tip is higher, if it is non existent then so is the tip.
Alex: I blame you people for causing the "Coriolis Effect." (For those of you without radiant brainosity, the "Coriolis Effect" is when an Australian flushes their toilet at the same time you do and your toilet backs up.)
I got a submission from you (I think? ... I need to look closer). It's set for Sunday!
Jude: Okay ... I did some service-type stuff in the past, a got stiffed every once in a while ... but I never really "clocked" them like that. I was bigger on people that were rude.
-Wait until you read my reply to PJ's comment! (It's a similar theme.)
lotgk: I agree, an in "reality" I'm pretty tame towards people that handle/prepare my good. If a guy is an asshole, I'll pretty much leave quietly and just never return.
-If a cook is an asshole, his customers know it. Thus, over a big enough span of time, a small yet growing statistical number of customers "dish back." Inevitably the cook -an asshole- hates all his customers: "anything goes" so-to-speak.
If I get any vibe of bad attitude at a restaurant under any circumstances at all, it never sees me again.
(Now I only go to Chuck E. Cheese)
Unfinished Rambler: Okie. We all gotta skip to PJ's comment 'cuz I gotta unload.
PJ: I did a brief stint as a bartender -I can't really elaborate about it because I was underage at the time.
-But the place had $4.50 beers, and I got fives or five singles all the time. And due to a lack of seniority, I worked the bar only on slow days ... so the people ordering were generally sitting right at the bar anyway. All I had to do is fetch a bottle out of a cooler, spin, open, and set. Shit it was the easiest 50 cents in the world, and I made ‘em hand over fist.
Are we really saying bartenders should get more for opening a beer? I can see if I asked them to make something really exotic like a Martini or something, but a beer? It’s not like this guy hadda stomp the hops with his bare feet or whatever. And yeah if you have to bring out to me somewhere maybe more -but let’s not mire ourselves down in the $3.10 an hour or whatever: for that 15 second transaction, you just made $43,200 an hour! Christ I woulda cleaned the place's bathrooms on 12-hour shifts for $43,000 an hour. Maybe half!
But I agree in most cases I would fault how the stuff is priced in the first place. A place with bottled beer at $3.25 is very bartender/waiter friendly ‘cuz while decompressing, nobody wants to do math: at $3.25 you will normally get 75 cents, and maybe $1.75.
This is funny 'cuz 'Predator Press LOBO' comes out to 'A Probed Loser Sport ...'
I think it would fit perfectly in a post about blondes.
And I've got nothing against mockingbirds really. But once they learn our language, they'll want to learn to drive! And then taxis in New York will require being tipped in Saltines ...
But if I met Moses, it would be all like "Get Thee outta here with non-thirsty 'flooding' prophecies! Thou dost ye get me Brian Herbert!"
And then I would go after mocking birds with an unholy vengence.
But I’m not 100% what Jamie has against mocking birds, and suspicious of his motives.
How much I tip bartenders is according to how busy the place is and if he remembers my drink. I usually tip large on the first drink. If it is a free bar, I make sure s/he sees me put a big tip in the tip jar.
The people you should always tip big are the curbside check in people at the airport. This is especially important if you are running late and want your luggage to be on the same airplane as you. This may be a moot point since I do not even know if they do curbside check in any longer.
Bell people get .50 to $1.00 a bag, depending on the size and how helpful they are once you arrive at the room.
Now, the one that always baffles me is the housekeeper. How much are we supposed to tip if we stay overnight or a week?
Oh, well, who can afford to eat out or travel any more? All the best.
As far as tipping goes, it's best to make a great first impression with a big tip on the outset and you become progressively more inebriated, decrease the amount. If only this amount could be permanently decreased, as why should people need to subsidize a cheapskate owner who won't pay his staff?
Dude that's like 20 beers. You probably serve at most 5-6 beers a person. Usually someone will only have 2 or 3.
The only reason why I don't give back a crappy tip is because I do not want to get fired over a few bucks.
The housekeeper thing I would treat as a bonus based on wages. But did you mean a personal housekeeper, or a hotel maid? I don't want to come off as a cheapskate here, but I rarely treat a hotel room like I'm Pete Townsend; when I leave, whatever trash is there is gathered into the cans, et cetera ... the only cleaning he/she has to do is standard issue.
-And them coming in daily while I'm there for a few days? With rare exception (more towels or something) that just bugs me.
thesharkguys: I agree, but I have the opposite reaction and start tipping better if I'm not careful. The best method for my wallet is to run a tab and make a big payout at the end based on service 'cuz I'm not getting nickel and dimed per service.
-But again, like CyberCelt said, a big opening tip can set the pace for your service for the rest of the evening.
Chris: The only thing I can think of in this case is maybe one guy paying for multiple drinkers. Yeah $10 for 20 beers would be lame, but if it's worst-case scenario (aka draft beers), they're probably a buck apiece and well over that 15% guideline.
That said, the "15% guideline" is crap anyway. I'm not tipping a guy/gal $15 for bringing me a $100 bottle of wine and the same for someone that brings me and my buddies 100 drafts and cleans up after us, et cetera.