Snuff Films and Meth

Predator Press

[LOBO]

“Well,” says the guy. “I certainly don’t see those listed as hobbies very often.”

“Yeah well I wanted my application to stand out.” I reply. “My pornographic Skittle mosaics never seem to get much traction.”

He scans the forms thoroughly. “And your command of profanity is very impressive,” he observes.

“Thank you.”

He sets the documents down. “This was certainly an interesting read.”

“Yeah well I’ve done about 500 of those things so far. The way I see it, at this phase of the interviewing process the only thing you should be worried about is whether or not I’ll fling poo at your clients.”

“Um, there’s no smoking in here.”

I put the cigarette out in his coffee.

“Sorry.”

He drums his fingers on the desk thoughtfully. “How exactly did you hear of this position with Planned Parenthood?”

“I’ve got my sources,” I says evasively. I glance around to make sure we’re alone, and lean forward a little. “Hail Satan,” I whisper discretely.

“When can you start?”

“How soon can you stop asking me dumb questions and cut me a check? I could start setting those little sluts straight right away.”

“You have to fill out a W-2.”

“More paperwork?” Exasperated I shake my head. “You know what? I don’t think I want to work here anymore.” I flip my briefcase closed. “Can I just go back to sleep in your lobby?”