The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring-Wearing Lord of the Two Towers' King

Predator Press

[LOBO]

The taxi driver -clearly a Visigoth of the proud Tervingi division- smiled widely into the rearview mirror.

“Buenos dias!” he says enthusiastically.

“Look buddy,” I says watching behind to see if anyone is following us. “I don’t speak Visigoth. And this is Los Angeles dammit. If you’re going to do business here, you’re gonna have to pick up the local language pronto.”

“English,” he says. “I know some. Where you need to go?”

“Into history, my friend. I want you to take me to see The Gooch.”

He screeches to such an abrupt halt, my face smashes into the front seat cushion.

“Jesus Christ!” I complain.

“Get out!” he demands. “I will not take another man to that evil place.”

I’m getting tired of repeating myself. “Look. I need to slay The Gooch so I can get a book deal.”

“Well I have a book deal,” the driver points out.

“You do not,” I reply furiously.

“I do so,” he says, showing me the cover of a paperback on his dashboard.

His picture is on it.

“Romantic comedy,” he explains. “It was on the bestseller list for thirteen weeks.”

“Bragger.”

“But I will not take you to The Gooch.” He turns around to face me, throwing his elbow behind his seat. “Many have gone, and few return. And the few that do return only tear out their own eyes screaming in the deepest sanitariums on Earth. Besides it’s right there.”

He points to a dark castle enshrouded in fierce clouds at the top of a jagged mountain at the end of the block.

I whistle.

“That’ll be twelve dollars,” he says.

“You only took me eight feet!”