Obama Cabinet Appointments Raise Eyebrows, Concerns

Predator Press

[LOBO]

Being unemployed has it’s upside: you have time to do things other people don’t, such as recapture your old high score on Centipede or Defender.

But I’m a journalist dammit: millions and millions of readers every day come to Predator Press as their sole source of news, and I owe it to them to steal Barack Obama’s briefcase if you think about it -the injuries I sustained busting the lock off are all part ‘an parcel to the gig.

There’s no need to thank me until Pulitzer time rolls around.

-I'll be playing Missile Command by then.


***

Anton 'Ice Cream' Wellingsdale the Second will be the "brains" of the operation as Secretary of State. Ice Cream is most well-known for his controversial book I Hate Whitey and the sequel Whitey Kiss My Ass -both of which are currently runaway bestsellers, and the first books ever to go double platinum.

Kimbo Slice will be filling the slot of Attorney General. I don’t really know what the Attorney General actually does, but whatever it is I’ll bet this former MMA fighter will be doin a lot of it: simulations testing Kimbo's diplomatic aptitude almost universally concluded with him wrapping the cord around Mao Zedong's neck and beating him upside the head with the red phone.

Secretary of War Rendell 'The Mix' Warren is a Harvard Graduate and a former Black Panther. You may best remember him from The Electric Slide Made Me Do It defense put forth by his lawyers, culminating into a “not guilty” verdict for the murder of an barload of drunk chicks using a dog-eared copy of Ice Cream’s Whitey Kiss My Ass.

In The Mix's downtime, he enjoys working with his Saddam Hussein tribute band, drinking "40s," theoretical astrophysics, classical art from the 1800s and baking.

There’s more information on some of these guys than others: the data on our new Secretary of the Treasury is sketchy at best –all I got was this picture and some "You Gonna Get Raped" letterhead.

The one on top is scrawled "Draft legislation outlawing Nascar, the Country Music Awards and square dancing."

-It's underlined twice.