Glop (or “How to Save Yourself $50,000”)
Predator Press
[LOBO]
“Okay,” says Terri. “We have three kids, no silverware, a crock pot and $26 with which to eat on for three days. What did you come up with?”
“Well," I says, "Since none of you mincing pansies are brave enough for the candy corn, I hadda go with glop."
-See, this is why Terri wisely chose me as a mate: I have an innate unwavering natural gift for making her kidsshut up happy.
We shall eat glop, and the glop shall be Good.
-So sayith the Board.
“What the heck is glop?” asks Shiftless.
Complainy sighs, “Tonight we dine in Hell.”
“Glop,” I says, “Is what I ate through college. It stands for Get Lots On Plate. You go to a grocery store and just wing it. Rice, chicken, a can of corn ... maybe peas. Add some soy sauce and poof. Glop.”
“Mine has splinters in it,” says Terri.
“That’s because I didn’t have a knife,” I explain. “I hadda cut it with the edge of a two-by-four. But it’s tenderized and fully-cooked. Perfectly sanitary.”
Shiftless pulls the spoon from the pot, and it looks like a turkey leg of sticky rice with peas stuck all over it.
With a despondent scowl, he bangs the fork loudly against the pot’s edge in vain effort to break the surprisingly impact-resistant glop free.
“Man," he says. "Fuck college.”
[LOBO]
“Okay,” says Terri. “We have three kids, no silverware, a crock pot and $26 with which to eat on for three days. What did you come up with?”“Well," I says, "Since none of you mincing pansies are brave enough for the candy corn, I hadda go with glop."
-See, this is why Terri wisely chose me as a mate: I have an innate unwavering natural gift for making her kids
We shall eat glop, and the glop shall be Good.
-So sayith the Board.
“What the heck is glop?” asks Shiftless.
Complainy sighs, “Tonight we dine in Hell.”
“Glop,” I says, “Is what I ate through college. It stands for Get Lots On Plate. You go to a grocery store and just wing it. Rice, chicken, a can of corn ... maybe peas. Add some soy sauce and poof. Glop.”
“Mine has splinters in it,” says Terri.“That’s because I didn’t have a knife,” I explain. “I hadda cut it with the edge of a two-by-four. But it’s tenderized and fully-cooked. Perfectly sanitary.”
Shiftless pulls the spoon from the pot, and it looks like a turkey leg of sticky rice with peas stuck all over it.
With a despondent scowl, he bangs the fork loudly against the pot’s edge in vain effort to break the surprisingly impact-resistant glop free.
“Man," he says. "Fuck college.”
Comments
You have taught the boy well.