How I Single-Handedly Ended the Gas Crisis
Predator Press
[LOBO]
“$1.79 a gallon?”
“Yes,” says the cashier.
“Are you out of your freakin’ mind?”
“No seriously,” says the cashier.
“Well I’m not paying $1.79 a gallon.”
“Excuse me?”
“This is extortion!” I says.
“Sir I don’t set the price-“
“Oh I think you do Sancho –or whatever your name is. I’ll pay $1.79 a gallon, and then next week, what, $2 a gallon? Well I ain’t gonna stand for it.”
“Sir, I believe gas prices are set by OPEC and-“
“Who is that? Your dad? Well get this ‘Opek’ guy on the phone. Tell him I’ll give him a buck fifty. Tops.”
“Sir,” says the cashier. “It’s $1.79.”"No it isn't
"Yes it is."
"Sancho,” I says disappointedly, “When you come to a new country you're supposed to rapidly adopt the culture. This 'ooh, I'm Sancho Opek and I'm gonna overcharge all those American jerks' attitude won't get you anywhere."
"Sir, my name is Randy Watkins. I was born in Des Moines."
“Well this is America, ‘Randy.’ And we don’t want your lousy overpriced gas. In fact, I demand you take it out of my vehicle immediately.”
“Excuse me?”
“We don’t want these damn Funyuns either.”
“Sir,” says Randy, suddenly nervous. Eyes darting back and forth nervously, he leans in and whispers, “Please take the gas. $1.50 will be fine.”
I pause, eyeing him suspiciously.
“I have far too much gas, and fifteen minutes from now another tanker truck full of gas will be arriving.”“I don’t know Randy,” I says shrewdly. “I'm actually a big fan of alternative energy. I thought that gas smelled a little funny too. In any case, I think I would be much happier with some Amoco.”
“I’ll throw in the Funyuns for free.”
“Nah,” I says.
“All the gas. The whole tank,” he pleads. “$10.”
“Plus the Funyons?”
“Plus the Funyons.”
“And this keychain flashlight?”
“Yes.”
“Can I use your bathroom?”
“Not a chance.”
"Dammit!"
Comments
FMLP: in case you're curious - the actual price here is between $2.59 and $2.99. The $1.59 was just an accidental consequence of the pic search.
Muskrat: I'm trying, for simplicity, to space out posts at least a day apart. To be honest, I've already got Sunday and Monday in the chamber.
Because I think I might like a job writing sitcoms or advertising (or something), I'm really trying to squeeze writing time: I want to see if I can do a post a day (without re-runs) every day in under a few minutes.
It's tougher than it sounds. I've improved, but I'm still only up to about 4-5 a week.
Instigation. A marvelous thing.