Predator Press
[LOBO]
Yes, today was to be still yet another post ranting about my Insurance Company.
-But taking a tip from Chris Wood, I’ve decided not to let them ruin my day.
Today’s post will not be about how I want them squishing barefoot through bat feces deep in the bowels of some forgotten drafty dungeon for the rest of eternity. Nor will it be about comparing the gauge of mesh screen I would like them squeezed through.
Today’s post will be about, eh, puppies.
Yes. A bunch of puppies. Cute little fuzzy wuzzy wide-eyed irresistible companion-seeking puppies. All in a cozy little basket with a big red ribbon on it.
I’ll bet if an insurance company found a basket of such puppies, their hearts would melt. They would immediately bring the puppies inside and divide them up for cuddling and adoption purposes.
-But these wouldn’t be normal garden-variety puppies.
These would be robot assassin puppies.
Someone answers the phone “You have reached Affirmative Insurance,” and boom! that’s the audio trigger for the attack: a hidden hypo delivers the paralyzing neurotoxins, and then the puppies start burrowing their way piranha-like right into the very hearts they just melted. Like that movie Alien, ‘cept in reverse.
In puppies no one can hear you scream.And then the ugly runty robot assassin puppy? The unwanted one they left back in the basket?
Detonates.
-Wipes out the crime scene completely.
Man Chris was right. I do feel better!
Please be sure to visit Chris Wood’s blog.
-This guy sure knows his stuff.
15 comments:
Chris has got a great blog alright, but your right along side in the least. Love it dude!
There's a special place in Hell for irresponsible insurance companies and for anybody that turns puppies into assassins! ;-)
Hmmmm...I'm sensing that you are still harboring a slight amount of bitterness towards the insurance company. And by "slight", I mean huge. :)
Wait a minute, you said it wouldn't be about the insurance company but then... okay, I see what you did there!
I want to get a puppy so bad! Though I can't. I've been told that I am irresponsible. Shucks.
Awrh, explosive puppies are the cutest.
Don: I've spent all day thinking, Okay, you've lowered yourself to chicken rape and assassination by puppy.
-What now? :)
Nah I really like Chris' blog ... there's a handful I've been thinking about 'spoofing' (yours included), but the timing was too perfect on this one.
Reforming Geek: household pets aren't "turned" into assassins ... We bred them to be really, really cute for exactly these purposes.
-I've got a dossier on Bill Clinton's cat "Boots" that would totally freak you out.
Angiess: Despite my efforts, it's still seeping through? Seriously?
Dr Tundra: Oh man don't get me started on the insurance company. I had almost forgot about those bastards ...
Jayson Cole: Then I would think these puppies are perfect for you.
-They are not only self-cleaning, but -with enough neglect- ultimately self-correcting.
Alex: At it's core I think the idea is brilliant. "Oh look at his little tail wag Osama. He loves you!"
... 2, ... 1, ...
Teach them how to fry chicken...
AV
dawwwww, puppies! They're like chicken soup for the soul!
I had a comment but then Rickey saying he wants to eat puppies threw me! (:-O
Oh yeah!
Screw feeling good and puppies! Insurance companies suck bull balls! And not in a good way.
**my opinion and has nothing to do with puppies.
P.S.
Chris Wood rocks!
If you can dress the insurance agents in fuzzy animal costumes, my dog will tear their eyes out. Promise.
I know all about the evil that lurks between those puppy eyes.
Thanks Lobo!
As you've seen from today, I've had my own diabolical ideas ...
(cue deranged laughter)
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