Weasel Fuel
Predator Press
[LOBO]
AS Diesel often should when working on a new and brilliant project, he sought out my advice.
And I would have had a hard time turning him down for my radiant brainosity: he loaned me a nickel to scratch off my lottery tickets.
"LOBO," he says. "I want to upgrade Humor-Blogs to Humor-Blogs 3.0. It'll have a system you can vote on funny posts with."
"Cool," I says, blowing the silver dust off of a 'Pays to Play' loser.
"I wish you wouldn't do that in my car."
"Relax, D," I says, drawing out another from my shirt pocket. "I'll buy you a new car when I score with these babies. One with two clitorises."
Diesel glances in the rearview mirror to see the dry Nevada dust being whipped up like a comet's tail behind us. "How many voting categories should there be?"
"Scientifically?"
"Yes."
"In North America?
"Yes."
"And with enough simplicity and flexibility to carry the whole thing on with creative bloggers checking in for centuries to come?"
"Yes," he grins.
I scratch my chin with the nickel, thinking. "Fifty seven."
"Fifty seven," Diesel says.
"Don't be so incredulous," I says, scratching my Cardboard Wafer of Destiny. "Science doesn't lie."
"I was thinking three. You know, a 'thumbs up', a 'meh', and maybe a 'thumbs down'. But fifty seven?"
"And the most important thing will be what the buttons look like. They should match the vote."
I then presented the following example:
#57: Fantastic.
I soiled myself.
#26: Standard issue LOL cat
#21: Too much YouTube.
#6: This post stunk like if Kenny Rogers loaded up on peanut butter and sardine sandwiches, washed it down with buttermilk, and then puked deeply into a large bonfire after riding the Tilt-a-Whirl.
"Blech," says Diesel. "How about plain smiley faces?"
"Well sure, if you want to be boring."
"And maybe I'll just go only with 'thumbs up' and 'thumbs down-'"
"Without a 'meh' nobody will vote for my site."
"The Reasonable Ego is a great blog," says Diesel. "Lots of people will vote for you."
"I don't write for the The Reasonable Ego. That's Sinister Dan."
"Which blog do you write for?"
"Predator Press."
"You mean that blog with all the crayon doodles, crappy grammar and obviously fake images?"
"Yep. Hey, why are we slowing down?"
"Get out!" Diesel demands. "And gimmee back my damn nickel!"
There are, I suppose, worse things than blogging with my laptop from the middle of the desert next to a skeleton.
At least I got my 'meh' button snuck in there at Humor-Blogs.
And I almost feel bad for Diesel.
With my 'Pays to Play' scratch offs, I won $2 and two free ones ... !
[LOBO]AS Diesel often should when working on a new and brilliant project, he sought out my advice.
And I would have had a hard time turning him down for my radiant brainosity: he loaned me a nickel to scratch off my lottery tickets.
"LOBO," he says. "I want to upgrade Humor-Blogs to Humor-Blogs 3.0. It'll have a system you can vote on funny posts with."
"Cool," I says, blowing the silver dust off of a 'Pays to Play' loser.
"I wish you wouldn't do that in my car."
"Relax, D," I says, drawing out another from my shirt pocket. "I'll buy you a new car when I score with these babies. One with two clitorises."Diesel glances in the rearview mirror to see the dry Nevada dust being whipped up like a comet's tail behind us. "How many voting categories should there be?"
"Scientifically?"
"Yes."
"In North America?
"Yes."
"And with enough simplicity and flexibility to carry the whole thing on with creative bloggers checking in for centuries to come?"
"Yes," he grins.
I scratch my chin with the nickel, thinking. "Fifty seven."
"Fifty seven," Diesel says.
"Don't be so incredulous," I says, scratching my Cardboard Wafer of Destiny. "Science doesn't lie."
"I was thinking three. You know, a 'thumbs up', a 'meh', and maybe a 'thumbs down'. But fifty seven?"
"And the most important thing will be what the buttons look like. They should match the vote."
I then presented the following example:
#57: Fantastic.
I soiled myself.
#26: Standard issue LOL cat
#21: Too much YouTube.
#6: This post stunk like if Kenny Rogers loaded up on peanut butter and sardine sandwiches, washed it down with buttermilk, and then puked deeply into a large bonfire after riding the Tilt-a-Whirl.
"Well sure, if you want to be boring."
"And maybe I'll just go only with 'thumbs up' and 'thumbs down-'"
"Without a 'meh' nobody will vote for my site."
"The Reasonable Ego is a great blog," says Diesel. "Lots of people will vote for you."
"I don't write for the The Reasonable Ego. That's Sinister Dan."
"Which blog do you write for?"
"Predator Press."
"You mean that blog with all the crayon doodles, crappy grammar and obviously fake images?"
"Yep. Hey, why are we slowing down?"
"Get out!" Diesel demands. "And gimmee back my damn nickel!"
There are, I suppose, worse things than blogging with my laptop from the middle of the desert next to a skeleton.
At least I got my 'meh' button snuck in there at Humor-Blogs.
And I almost feel bad for Diesel.
With my 'Pays to Play' scratch offs, I won $2 and two free ones ... !
Comments
1. It's very funny.
2. It mentions me.
Heckuva job.
He's been known to kill a man with only a used lottery ticket.
Brent: Again, weird timing. I will keep an eye out for him. (And maybe get a bodyguard.)
Johnny: Diesel is evil like that. He just broke out a widget that I can't make work, and I'm starting to think that was on purpose too.
Joel: Man I hope so. It passed spellcheck. -The alternative definition could only be, like one huge gigantic clitoris.
Clitori maybe?
Of course, I would likely just rub the clit for the heck of it, regardless. Especially if it made noises.
Actually, I think I'll use that idea myself thank you.
I'm not sure I'd WANT to put my finger on it anyway.