The Package Dance

Predator Press

[LOBO]

"Where are you?" asks LadyTerri into the phone.

"I'm right outside bringing in the trash cans. It was slow today so I figured I would come home early."

"Well, I wish you would have called. We need paper towels."

"I'll go later. What's up?"

"A package came for you in the mail."

"A package? Really?"

"Yes."

"A ... package, you say?"

"LOBO," she says. "You're not going to do that stupid dance again, are you?"

After a brief pause, the sound of large Rubbermaid products hitting concrete can be heard in the distance.

Our teenager rolls his eyes. "See Mom? I told you."

The front door busts open in thunderous triumph.

"Ohhhhhhh ... !" I sing in a rough facsimile of B minor.

"Shit," says LadiTerri in no key whatsoever.

"I got a package. I got a package!. A P-A-C-K-A-J-E, I got a paaaaaaaackage."

"Stop him Mom!"

Running over to the coffee table, I circle the small, plainly-labeled rectangular box. "-and this is my package!" I pirouette gracefully, and end pointing at her. "And you didn't get nooooo package ..."

LadyTerri glares.

"And you," I point at the teen. "Didn't-get-no-package because you didn't-mow-the-lawn-for-your-allowance so your-eBay-rating-is-in the duuuuuuuuumpster ..."

The five year old loves the Package Dance. "I got a package!" he joins.

"Like hell!" I retort, doing big chorus girl kicks. Scooping up the box, I hold it close to my heart while kneeling. Leaning into him closely I croon, "because you ain't got no credit caaaaaard ... "

"That's mean," complains LadyTerri.

I look at the boy. "Would you like to see this package?" I sing tunelessly, offering the parcel.

Grinning, he reaches for it with both hands.

God he always falls for that ...

"Well you cannot!" I crescendo, standing. "For it is my package. Myyyyyyy package. It's in your face, don't you disgrace-"

Suddenly, in all the spinning motion, a colorful plastic object slides out of the box, and tumbles onto the carpet.

"It's Kung Fu Hustle, Dad," smirks the teen. "We all watched it this afternoon."

"BASTARD!" I scream.