Rejection

Predator Press

[LOBO]


Well, Steven Spielberg has officially rejected my screenplay "Schindler's Full Black Down Metal Hawk Jacket". It came back in the mail today with a rejection letter, smelling suspiciously like urine.

Which basically leaves me with $200 to fund the Predator Press Space Program, the Topless Holistic Online Medicine and Cancer Research Institute, and The LOBO Foundation for Sickly, Dying "Hungry-Yet-Hard-Working Orphans with Gambling Problems".

I'll have another $25 once Mr. Insanity clears his debt on that Lakers debacle. The spread was only four points ... that kid's an idiot.

But we are not defeated, O Loyal Reader! I have found a way to capitalize upon our fame to generate the necessary funding. If you look on Ebay, you will find TONS of the widely-sought after Predator Press memorabilia you just can't live without. And not that T-Shirt and signed photo crap, either! We're talking history here.

We're selling:

* 1 Bundle of Bic Lighters
used by Ethan, all rendered environmentally safe as butane-free (flints are still guaranteed to spark),
* Six Plastic Cool Whip Tubs, (while they provide storage for a remarkably wide variety of things other than Cool Whip, we will be unable to use them on the Mars mission as planned),
* A Lock of Ethan's Golden Hair hermetically sealed in dry ice,
* Sixty Feet of Standard Cannon Fuse initially intended for the 2003 Republican National Convention,
* One Original, Framed Court-Certified Temporary Restraining Order, permanently prohibiting me from entering Memphis Tennessee or coming within sixty feet of any registered Elvis Impersonators,
* Season Two of Chuck Norris' Revenge of Delta Squad: Operation Osama Bin Loadin on VHS,
* Four Pedigreed Dust Bunnies, complete with papers, captured in the wild frontier under my refrigerator by Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin hisself while in a yellow biological suit crawling with poisonous and deadly Croatian vipers.

There is no reserve, but continental US shipping and insurance for each of the above items will be around $8,000

Happy Bidding!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Damn that dirty Steven Spielberg, ejaculating your screenplay like it meant nothing, piss on him :) As if Schindler's full Mammoth down metal hawk wooly Jacket isn't good enough!!! You are such a noble best intentions kinda guy. I personaly have a nephew that benifits from the Orphans with gambling depts he use to hit me up for lottery tickets all the time.I didn't have the heart to say no. Ok I am making a list and checking it twice, I want a bundle of Bic Lighters, a lock of Ethen's golden hair and throw in a couple of them dust bunnies :) I don't need the restraining order I already have one :) Let the bids begin heheh

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